I can say in my latest situation, that after 2 days of making the mistake of being emotional and reacting the way she expected me to, I remember MWD and her writings, and started to pull back from that. And the lack of surety on my wife's part was almost immediate after I started to back off and have more of an "okay" reaction. I believe that was a factor in my situation turning around more quickly than most.
If I remember correctly you dropped the bomb on her and she said ok and then you begged and pleaded for more than a couple of days and it wasn't until she realized her OM was a fraud and that she would have to get a job she started to rethink things. A real OM and a job probably you would have been toast like the rest of us. But we will never know.
Originally Posted by SteveLW
Unfortunately, most LBS that find their way here have already made the mistake of reacting emotionally for weeks and months.
You may need to reread your thread Steve.
One point stood out to me as I read this. We all know that this is a crisis of the WAS and not the LBS. The LBS can only do things to prevent things from getting worse and more importantly focus on their own healing and moving forward. An LBS could do all the right things and the WAS may not care. On the other hand, an LBS could do all the wrong things and the WAS may choose to R.
Yet, there is a lot of cognitive bias in the forum that suggests that actions an LBS took helped with 'turning around situations'. Success or failure does not mean a particular approach is correct and it is important to remember that when we try to relate others' sitch to our own. More often than not, it is out of the hands of the LBS, which is why most of the advice is on self care and healing.
