4. Try to understand what is important to the LBS. When I was a newcomer, I mainly wanted specific advice on things I could do to get my WAW to stay in the house to increase the chances of R. I was handling myself well emotionally, so some of the advice such as moving on because "she fired me as H", was not helpful. Now, I eventually had to accept there was no path to R, but that was only after I explored the available paths and found them to either be a dead end or found them to be paths I did not want to walk down.
I wanted to clarify this point a bit since it seems to have been poorly worded and confusing to others.
I am not saying we should not give blunt and honest advice. In fact I had stated earlier in the same post that even when the OP does not agree with the advice, we should stick with honest advice because others may be reading it.
What I was trying to convey here is that we need to recognize what the person is looking for and base the reply on that. As an example, the two responses below convey the same message but the way it is delivered is different.
OP: What can I do to win my WAS back.
Response 1: "I know your goal is to R with your WAS. You may think your situation is unique but there is a lot in common with what we have seen in the sitch of many others over the years. You need to recognize that your W has fired you as a husband. This means the old R is dead and taking steps that you did as a H will not work. If you want to R with your WAS it has to be a new relationship. The best way to make it happen is to make her feel you have come to terms with the end of the current R. You need to detach, GAL.....etc etc"
Response 2: "You need to stop trying to R with your WAS. She fired you as H, so why are you still trying to act like a H to her?"
It is not about the lack of ability of the person to take 2x4s that are dished out to them. It is about YOU making them trust that 'YOU understand their sitch'. If the person feels you get their sitch, they will be receptive to your advice. If not, they will think you are repeating 'one size fits all' advice and tune you out.
Also want to clarify that this was not based on something Steve said specifically, but something that I have generally observed.
