Stranger Things

[LH19]

I replied that I was available Saturday but I was looking for more than a hook up. When he got back to me the next day he stated no one said anything about a hook up and that me wanted to make me cum multiple times.

So in pilot fantasy camp it's not a hook up if you have multiple orgasms lol.

NOW - I get it. We've dated before, but we've only been on 2 dates. While I'm wildly attracted to him and have had a very sexual relationship before, I'm just moving more cautiously. I don't want to screw this up. You know from my past posts that I have no issue being wild and daring. I've sent him plenty of visual texts in the past, etc.

This is why he thinks a hook up is no big deal! He's probably confused as fuch right now.

I let him know I did not want to say "no" to his offer but that I was looking for more. For an example I just stated I'd like to know what the weirdest part of his week was or what kind of goals for summer time. This was a very poorly worded text trying to hide my insecurities... that while I truly desired him I just wasn't at the next step.

What insecurities are you hiding?

After coming home from a long week he took that to mean I could not have sex unless I asked him 50 questions? and that he had no interest in that if someone could not be willing to show up with a drink naked when he first got home and wait 24hr before questions.

Does this guy by chance wear a robe?

Whoa... I totally get that. That was not my intent at all.

Well how many questions does he have to answer?

I tried apologizing for miscommunicating and just wanted to say that his expectation was not unreasonable and I had no qualms with that. I was just trying to say I was not quite ready for sex.

How about yo dueche bag I am not a whore and am not going to come fuch your brains out no matter how many organisms you give me?

Trying to lighten the mood a little and to let him know I was interested I sent two explicit photos (nothing that I haven't sent before.)

So do you see why he treats you this way?

I totally get how that is a complete mixed message. I was never saying no to sex. I wasn't even saying I needed 4 months. We had only been out twice since he got back in touch with me. H3ll I didn't sleep with him the last time until the 4th date. Frankly, if I hadn't felt pressure I may very well have slept with him on the 3rd date but in general I don't have sex until 3 dates. I guess the rules may be different when its someone you dated before???

Sleep with a man when you feel safe and comfortable that he is not using you for sex

His response was that he was not interested in a crazy train.

Sounds like you are not a match.

I clearly had no problem having sex with him while I was going through a divorce and suddenly I'm not ready for sex.

oh yeah. This makes sense to me.

He has a lot on his plate. If someone is interested in him its everything, wild sex and all or not. He is not into games.

no. Sleep with him or you are out.

Well, I'm not into games either. I was not asking him to wait months... I just wanted another date to get to know him again. But --- was I communicating that properly??? And, yes I'm 100% guilty of sending a mixed message. I will 100% admit I was dealing my insecurities - the D hit hard on my self esteem. I'm soon to be 53 and body image is always a woman's achilie's heel.

This guy is not going to be any good for your self esteem.

I feel that if we just talked - rather than I text... then he texts the next day... and then its 24hr before I text back, that this could have been resolved in a 5min conversation. I really like him... I was attracted to him a year ago and I'm attracted to him now..

You are a booty call. Nothing more.

Instead I have to accept that I may not hear from him again.

Unless you sleep with him.

I'm just frustrated...

Time to ditch the dueche bags in your life so you can be open to something real.

[Traveler]

he locked me down on a date and time.. He knew I was out of state for a family thing that day but it was not a problem for me to leave early to meet him for drinks. I would be home at X time. When I got home I texted him - got a kind of crabby response so I just said so we are not meeting for drinks tonight - we set this up 2 days ago? Got an even crabbier response so I just said "Hey, I get it your tired. Get some rest and we will do this some other time".

I started accepting this guy for who he is and that if I'm going to date him I'm going to have to make allowances for some odd behaviors/expectations. ys.

I replied I'm free on Saturday but I'm looking for more than a hook up. He gets back to me the next day "No one said anything about a hook up. I want to give you multiple O's" "Well I don't ever want to say no to that! Physical attraction is great but I really need emotional and intellectual attraction as well. Like what was the weirdest thing this week or what something you want to do this year."

His response was he goes to work a week at a time, comes home exhausted and drained and doesn't want to answer 50questions just to stimulate someone. That if someone can't answer the door with a drink and nothing on and wait a day before a barrage of questions then its not for me. Call me pig or whatever I don't want to be interrogated to get into the door or for sex.

"I understand. I apologize. I did not mean to add to an already stressful week. Showing up a door with a cocktail and nothing on is fun and easy enough if it puts a smile on you face. I just wanted to get to know you. I'm sorry I made you feel interrogated."

KitKat, you view this as primarily a miscommunication? The vibe I get is someone who doesn't value you and wants easy sex, like XH. You can't put lipstick on a pig! The "guy friends" who hang out with you week after week enjoy your company even without sex. If I recall correctly you met most of them on dating sites. Were there any YOU turned down, still single, who may be up for another go if you asked? I get it's not as thrilling as your usual types, or sex in the woods or highway, but it may be worth trying a partner who values you, the connection may make the intimacy better than you expect!

[KitCat]

LH and Travler ---

I hear all those things and those are not things I have not said to myself.

He walked out a year ago because I was still married and didn't think I would be divorced. So if he's just looking for a hook up/sex, is that a normal line to make in the sand. He would not even speak to me again until I was D.

As for on line dating after the last date I went on (pre-hooking back up with pilot) I removed myself from all sites and decided on a 6mo hiatus from them.

Both guys I am friends with are nice guys. At first both were into me, but as you see I'm bit of an odd duck myself... which is why I get pilot to an extent.

I'm not looking for thrilling so much as I am calm and steady.

I'm just frustrated, angry, sad... I know I have to work through this. And, if he was truly interested as long as what I said was sincere it would never be the wrong thing if it were the right person. He's just not that into me.

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

[BL42]

KitCat,

He walked out a year ago because I was still married and didn't think I would be divorced. So if he's just looking for a hook up/sex, is that a normal line to make in the sand. He would not even speak to me again until I was D.

On the one hand, good for him - you don't want a guy who wants to date married women. On the other hand it could've just been a convenient excuse to not get closer.

I'm not looking for thrilling so much as I am calm and steady.

Sex w/ExH in a car or a thrist with a pilot in from out of town doesn't scream "calm and steady".

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

Good. Don't chase. Work on yourself.

KitCat - I get the distinct impression from your posts pilot is just looking for some easy steamy sex between flying from one place to another. He may even have similar situations lined up in other cities. If that's all you want, fine, but I do not get that impression. In terms of ExH he seems to be a hot mess and not know what he wants. My take would be turn away from both of them, focus on your own life and work on why you're into those type of guys. Maybe that'll lead to meeting you'll meet a calm and steady person.

[Ginger1]

Sigh. He didn’t want to mess with a married woman. If I recall he also sensed your attachment to your exH. And guess what? You are still attached as you are having sex with him and have been and wish for more.


The pilot couldn’t be any clearer her through his words and actions that all he wants is some hot easy sex. And yeah, I bet he finds you a little “crazy” when one moment you are telling him you want to hear about his plans for the summer before having sex with him and the next yij are sending dirty photos.

You are all over the place, trying to heal the pain of each one of your rejections with the other one.

I know this hurts, but you are prolonging your heart. When are you just going to step back from the crazy? You are torturing yourself and you are getting yourself no where near calm and easy. You yourself are acting frantic. You are all over the place.


Step away from the toxic men. Step towards a healthier not so desperate appearing KK. Find your own calm and easy. You attract what you put out there

[LH19]

He walked out a year ago because I was still married and didn't think I would be divorced.

Why are you so quick to believe that was the reason?

So if he's just looking for a hook up/sex, is that a normal line to make in the sand. He would not even speak to me again until I was D.

Uuuummm yeah! It's an easy way to let you down easy.

As for on line dating after the last date I went on (pre-hooking back up with pilot) I removed myself from all sites and decided on a 6mo hiatus from them.

I am curious to why so a long hiatus?

Both guys I am friends with are nice guys. At first both were into me, but as you see I'm bit of an odd duck myself... which is why I get pilot to an extent.

KK you and the pilot are not the same person. I think you are looking for something real though I am really not sure due to the ex husband thing. The pilot is a player. There is a difference.

I'm not looking for thrilling so much as I am calm and steady.

Not sure you can handle calm and steady.

I'm just frustrated, angry, sad... I know I have to work through this.

All normal emotions. Dating at 53 for a woman is not easy.

And, if he was truly interested as long as what I said was sincere it would never be the wrong thing if it were the right person. He's just not that into me.

Ding ding ding. I wouldn't take it personal he is not into anyone long term.

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

Ok I do not want to invalidate your feelings but heart broken???? It may be time for ....wait for it.... therapy.........

[Traveler]

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

Kit, I get you’re feeling heartbroken and I’m sorry you’re going through that ((hugs)). Feeling hearttbroken for someone you barely know after two dates (and again after another two dates) is unusual, but we get you’ve never taken enough space from XH to fully grieve, nor gotten therapy. Would you be willing to block and no contact pilot? Hereby, letting go of the hope that someday he’ll change and text you for more? Reducing the toxic (for you) man count in your life from 2 to 1 would be a success. It’s not easy, but once the chord is 100% cut you can more fully grieve and move on.

[DonH]

Although I have never watched them, I’ve been told you can take a break from a soap opera for a year or more and pick right back up where you left off. It feels like I just did the same here. I’m terrible with remembering screen names and who did what and all, but then it came to me, oh yeah, i remember now. I even double checked the posting dates to make sure I didn’t somehow stumble back on old posts. Nothing has changed. How sad. Glad you are back posting though. Means there still is some hope.

[KitCat]

He walked out a year ago because I was still married and didn't think I would be divorced.

Why are you so quick to believe that was the reason?

Because everything was fine and when he found out I was traveling on my STBXH frequent flyer miles he flipped and didn't talk to me again for 11months.

He waited until the ink was dry on D before reaching out again.

As for on line dating after the last date I went on (pre-hooking back up with pilot) I removed myself from all sites and decided on a 6mo hiatus from them.

I am curious to why so a long hiatus?

Burn out.

Both guys I am friends with are nice guys. At first both were into me, but as you see I'm bit of an odd duck myself... which is why I get pilot to an extent.

KK you and the pilot are not the same person. I think you are looking for something real though I am really not sure due to the ex husband thing. The pilot is a player. There is a difference.

I am looking for long term. Funny enough, Pilot asked if I was player during our first attempt at dating.

I'm not looking for thrilling so much as I am calm and steady.

Not sure you can handle calm and steady.

I very much long for calm and steady. I think you know from my prior posts that my XH had some serious road rage issues.

I should not be alive.

Only because my XH is incredibly gifted at handling a vehicle and knowing exactly how far to push it I am still here.

Multiple 360's on a water logged bridge during a heavy downpour and driving way to fast for road conditions. By the grace of GOD did he get it under control before we went over.

Driving 85mph on the right shoulder in a pissing match with another car on an heavy traffic interstate.

Mind you we are driving a ducking 5 speed Ford Fiesta - but what he lacked in power my XH could outmaneuver ANYONE. Cutting in and out of traffic with mere inches to spare.

I got to a point I never let XH drive me anywhere for years and it made him angry. I always drove. I'd rather put up with him screaming at me than risk my life.

On our last date, pilot drove us out of town to dinner. His manner is calm. His voice is calm. We never left the right lane of the interstate. There was no gunning an engine or calling someone a douche just because they drove a Honda.

^^^^^ That was the calm and peace I desperately needed. He has no idea what that meant to me.

And, if he was truly interested as long as what I said was sincere it would never be the wrong thing if it were the right person. He's just not that into me.

Ding ding ding. I wouldn't take it personal he is not into anyone long term.

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

Ok I do not want to invalidate your feelings but heart broken???? It may be time for ....wait for it.... therapy.........

Please don't invalidate my feelings. I am allowed to feel whatever I feel. You may not agree but it doesn't make what I feel less than.

I've done way more work personally in the last year.

I'm still allowed disappointments. It doesn't mean I'm broken as a person.

I probably having a bigger tolerance for compassion and understanding than the average person.

I'm sad but I'm not staying stuck.

I'm ducking amazing. I'm wicked smart. I have a successful career making bank. I'm financially secure. I have no debt but what is still minimally owed on my house which the $200k in equity is all mine as well.

He's the idiot.

If there was something better than me he surely would have found it in the last year or in the 8yr prior to meeting me.

[KitCat]

Its gonna take a bit to get my heart unbroke from this... but I will not be chasing him like I did last time.

Kit, I get you’re feeling heartbroken and I’m sorry you’re going through that ((hugs)). Feeling hearttbroken for someone you barely know after two dates (and again after another two dates) is unusual, but we get you’ve never taken enough space from XH to fully grieve, nor gotten therapy. Would you be willing to block and no contact pilot? Hereby, letting go of the hope that someday he’ll change and text you for more? Reducing the toxic (for you) man count in your life from 2 to 1 would be a success. It’s not easy, but once the chord is 100% cut you can more fully grieve and move on.

To be frank I never expected to hear from him again.

When I did I was cautious.

I'm more disappointed that why the F did you come back to just have a repeat performance. I certainly didn't need it.

I'm processing my feelings and moving on. Sure, it could have been a lot of fun but if I'm willing to meet him half way the simple fact that he could not do the same speaks volumes. Over and out.