#19 - Still working through Ring & Piecing

[SteveLW]

V, I've heard this before. "The board has changed. The advice has changed. The approach has changed."

I can only say how it was in Feb 2018 when I found the board. And if you go read my 1st thread you'll see I got hammered by 2x4s right out of the gate. I saw a lot of other LBSs around that time also get 2x4'd on a daily basis. Very eye-opening, helpful stuff by a dozen or more veterans. I was extremely thankful for that even though at the time it was difficult to hear. I came here convinced that the whole of my situation was due to my wife's anti-depressant medication. I had read a thread here where a LBS had found that there was research even suggesting that ADs contributed to the breakup of marriages. I was looking for confirmation (confirmation bias) of my findings and wanting others here to tell me the best way to get my wife to stop taking her meds.

The 2x4s were swift, and to the point. ADs weren't our problems. I couldn't change her or her behavior or what she was doing, and I needed to pull up my bigboy pants and start acting like someone that respected myself, that deserved better, and that needed to stop whining and pointing to things outside of my control.

Within a month my approach to my situation changed. I wasn't perfect, but I certainly got better and more consistent with DBing principles and the activities that were espoused.

So my question back to you is what is so different than when you joined in 2011. You said people came here and got questioend about their role in the breakup, and then got advice to reverse course on that. I am not seeing it being so much different here. If a LBS comes here and says "I have a problem with being controlling" a lot of the advice they get is how to let go and stop thinking they CAN control everything. Help me out here.