This board is drastically different from when I joined in 2011. The 1st question asked was about how the LBS felt they contributed to the demise of the marriage. Were they controlling? Immature?Sh!tty Parent or Spouse, etc... and then VETS helped them change that aspect of themselves as they interacted with their WAS and in their daily life. Of course we still recommended boundaries. Of course we still recommend GALing but it was for the sake of their safety/well being vs. a response to their spouse.
Sometimes Blunt is necessary but IMHO - seeing how an LBS deserves better is the best approach to go. No one will set up or stick to boundaries UNLESS they BELIEVE they deserve better treatment. That is hard enough in a normal day to day life let alone when Sh!t has hit the fan and splattered all over your face.
90% of people can't handle the "Let Go, Let God/Universe take over". 90% can handle boundaries/deal breaker conversations. They are too scared of the future. Too scared they won't survive. Our job is to help them get through the day to day so the storm settles and they can make the best decisions for themselves.
We have very little new faces on here. After I divorced - the "Surviving the Big D" was not very active. Now it's more active than the Newcomers. That is neither good or bad... but it does make me curious if maybe we have less traffic because we have changed (as a whole board) our priorities when giving advice.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
