Some thoughts here: 1. People are biased by their personal beliefs. This is natural, but it would help if they tried to give the advice based on the other person's beliefs rather than their own. If someone thinks an EA is a deal breaker but the person that the advice is intended for does not, the advice is better received if it is comes from a perspective of the EA not being a deal breaker regardless of personal belief.
2. People get defensive when receiving advice, especially when it is not something they want to hear. When the advice is correct, it will help if the poster stays on the thread rather than leave because the advice is not being well received. This is important because many others read the thread and not just the OP. We don't want others to feel that the advice was incorrect just because it was rejected by a few.
3. Newcomers on this thread are hurt and emotionally fragile. They come here desperate and grasping at straws. While we all know that 'this is a marathon and not a sprint', it is hard for people in that state to accept that. It is hard for them to accept that in most cases the R is dead and reconciliation really means a new R, which is difficult given the history. We hence need to keep our own frustrations in check when the advice is rejected. Most success stories here start out with the LBS being a mess and doing all the wrong things. It is only later that they come to terms with reality and do the right thing.
4. Try to understand what is important to the LBS. When I was a newcomer, I mainly wanted specific advice on things I could do to get my WAW to stay in the house to increase the chances of R. I was handling myself well emotionally, so some of the advice such as moving on because "she fired me as H", was not helpful. Now, I eventually had to accept there was no path to R, but that was only after I explored the available paths and found them to either be a dead end or found them to be paths I did not want to walk down.
Steve, For what it is worth, when you first commented on my thread, I did not like your tone even though some of the advice made sense. When I reread my thread a few months later, the tone did not bother me at all and felt a lot more normal and straightforward than when I first read it. I also found myself agreeing with a lot more of your advice than I initially did
