Husband MLc need help#3

[AndrewP]

I really don't know what needs to happen for him to hit rock bottom.

One thing that I've learned over the last number of years is that even when you think that bottom has been hit, that there's more distance that can be fallen.

I think it's more a state of mind than anything - and requires self awareness as you point out.

Kml,
I don't know I was fine last night, woke up tood the new meds with some food and it started shortly after. To be completly honest, I was having thoughts of ending it, and fear, strong thoughts. My sister and my cats saved me this morning. This is destroying me down to my core. Right now I just feel completly wiped out.

I remember sitting watching a train going down the tracks and thinking that I could just plow my car into it and "solve" all sorts of problems. My wife would get a substantial insurance payout and could legitimize her relationship with OM without it being tarnished by infidelity. My own pain would go away.

It was a time that I lived in much darkness.

What saved me that day was looking past the train, I could see that there was another side. I had no idea what was on it (metaphorically) but the very fact that a future could exist was enough to carry me through that very dark day.

I had been reading up on the various ways to off myself for a while at this point and wanted to have one that caused the least amount of pain for others and thought that was the "best" route as a train is rather impersonal.

I had other bad days but none so close to the edge as that one. I hope that helps you.

((Stella))

PS - My life now isn't one I could have imagined back then. It's a decent life. Not as fulfilling or rich as I might hope but in general I am content. I still have difficulty in seeing my future - it was so much easier when I was married because I had another to care for and make sure she was kept safe, happy and healthy. Now it's just middle-aged me and the middle-aged cat I adopted last year.