Thank you everyone, for all of your advice and for hanging in here with me. Makes me feel less alone to have found such a group of great caring people who have been through this, are still in it, and to listen to me, talk me through this and understand this whole circus...really thank you!!
H texted this morning, I did not respond.
The Doctor perscribe something to take daily, and my counslor today said that should help some. I felt so, I don't know, angry, embarassed being at the doctor. Not sure why, but I felt the same way when I went to my first counsling session back in July. Mad because I am in this place because of H.
Yes, it is the anxitey, and incredible sadness, lossing the future that was planned with H, blowing up a life that was good, wasting everything we worked to build together. The lose...of what was suspose to be a lifetime together. The promises made and now broken. The life that was so intertwined. The pain that he has put me in, while he goes out and lives this fantasy life with no concern of how he has hurt me. Sure he says I'm sorry, but there is no compasion in it.
Counslor talked alot today about alcoholics, recommended a intervention...Ha..that ain't gonna happen. Can you imagine... Talked about going to more Alanon meetings, there is one at a church near by I guess I will try that one next. Talked about my seperation anxitey too, practice mindfulness. I brought up MLC with him, but he was more focused on H's drinking and having to hit rock bottom. He isn't gonna give up drinking.. Whats the saying..man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man.. plus add MLC.. he's gone...drinking is his only true love....
Yes, I like the posts it, I just ordered a cork board to hang in my office. I have been taping stuff to the wall, but my cat, Archie, is obsessed with tape and keeps riping everything down...goofy cat. My fur babies and this thread have really been saving me. I swear the cats know when I need some love from them.
I also started journeling again today, that helped in the past. Might head up to my brothers place this Saturday, they live on a lake about 30 minutes away. Ice fishing and a cook out, not the beach I'd like to be at, but I have to get out of this house.
One day at a time for now, right..Let go or get dragged. I have been getting dragged..its my own doing..talking to him, reading into his words, trying to keep the connection. Just torturing myself.
