Reading your posts takes me back four years. I so remember being where you are. It was the absolute worst pain I had ever felt… and the most anxious I had ever been. D is right…it was more about grieving the future I thought we would have than it was about grieving the loss of him. The person who cheated on me repeatedly and lied to my face for years while pretending to be my committed husband is, objectively, not someone anyone should miss. My head, like yours, knew that the entire time but my heart took some time to catch up.
I think it is a good idea to see your doctor Stella. I have always been a really strong person and I’m also a therapist so I know all about how to work through issues. Very difficult to do, however, in the beginning, when the trauma of this situation messes with your chemical make-up the most, it’s almost impossible. I was soooo anxious which is completely normal when one’s life as they know it gets ripped away in moment. I reluctantly went to my doctor and she prescribed an anti-anxiety/anti-depression medication that I think really helped to stabilize my emotions a bit so I was able to get through it.
One of the things that helped me is I wrote out a bunch of quotes on sticky notes and put them on my mirror so I could read them each morning. I’ll share a couple of my favourites with you…
“It is truly a frightening thing to face, see, and embrace the unknown, but you can do this. All it takes is opening your mind and heart to the vast, and endless possibilities of what you can become within yourself.”
“He REPRESENTS stability, validation, and a resumption of your ability to have control over your future. That is really what you want. You want what he represents to you based on where you are right now. Step back and realize he is NOT those things.”
“It is much easier to act your way into thinking differently, than it is to think your way into acting differently.” [This is a quote I read to get me up and moving instead of curling up into a ball and staying home.]
“Boundaries are the first line of defence to preserve your self respect.”
Keep posting Stella. It will help you get through this. (((HUGS)))
