So when I read your updates I get the sense by your almost clinical talk you dug deep to understand what went wrong in your marriage. For that you should be applauded.
However, (yes I know however negates everything I said above) you know these two men are unavailable for a healthy relationship but you make excuses for being available to then for their sexual pleasure. You are just kicking the can down the road. I don’t think you ever grieved your marriage because you were hyper focused on getting your H back. Like you’ve indicated, you are not getting any younger. How much more do you want to chase these dead ends?
As for your Exh, he sounds like the same ahole he always was in the past. Still cheating, still disregarding your feelings. So he quit smoking and didn’t road rage one day. Wow!
Enjoy your trip and really think about how you want to live the rest of your life.
