Hi Kit, if you're happy with how things are going, that's fantastic. Like, "Go KitCat!" I'm rooting for that happy for you. I see happy moments but also unfulfilled desires.
Originally Posted by KitCat
Ginger --- where is the proof that he is still with OW??? He says he is not, but frankly I would not put him at the top of authority of truth.
I read this like someone ignoring the truth--like someone buying a "Rolex" for $100 ("Where's the proof it's fake??"). I could completely understand if you said, "Any vow is between him and OW. I don't care if he's cheating on OW." or "OW cheated on me! I'm angry and want to get back at her." Your actual response sounds a bit like a head in the sand. There's smoke, but you won't worry about a fire unless it's proven. I wonder if you actually feel one of the above but aren't to admit that feeling. I wouldn't blame you if you were angry at OW and wanted to hurt her back. It's a common desire.
Originally Posted by Ginger
if you have no desire to be either of their number one’s and that isn’t your true desire or end goal, all the more power to you.
Like Ginger says, if you enjoy having sex whenever XH or Pilot want it, and are okay that's your primary value to them, this is a great path. What makes me suspect you want more is when you say things like--
Originally Posted by KitCat
I came down with COVID and life is hard enough living alone but when you are really really sick it completely bites. I have no family in the area. I had about 3 really rough days and I got very needy. I really pushed my XH. And, I got the expected "I don't care about you or what you do, its none of my business, you want to impress me then go find a new guy". I mean I get it. He was feeling pushed and reacted defensively. But, its quite clear from all the texts asking me about my day, etc in the last 4months that he does care some. He could not leave me alone on my trip because he knew I was with someone.
KitCat, ýou got COVID and were feeling sick and he told you, "I don't care about you." No, it's not obvious he cares about you. I have no friend nor acquaintance I would say that to. I do remember when I was in a dark place MANY YEARS AGO I'd tell my then GF "I don't love you." and she'd say "Oh, of course you do."?! You seem to be ignoring what he's telling you. The more obvious reason for worrying about who you're with is to keep his flow of sex and control.
KitCat, why did you not reach out to a friend instead of a guy who sees you as easy sex? Friendships are wonderful--relationships where there's mutual caring about one another. If you don't have one like that, get building. (:
Originally Posted by KitCat
I stated "Well I don't ever want to say no to that! Physical attraction is great but I really need emotional and intellectual attraction as well. Like what was the weirdest thing this week or what something you want to do this year."
KitCat, <3. You stated your needs. "I really need emotional and intellectual attraction as well." That's what I see when I read your posts--a beautiful person (vet, kind, empathetic) not getting her needs met and not on a path to get them met. The perfect response to him being a pig was radio silence. If he's on the spectrum (doesn't understand social cues) and you're still interested then be BLUNT "You're being a pig. You have my number when you're better rested." No expectations is cool, but you clearly have them--you state you WANT a star-shaped peg, but keep allowing square-shaped pegs, and when you hope they suddenly became star-shaped and they remind you they're square-shaped, you get hurt and apologize. I'd love to see you be more assertive so you get your needs met. Because you're awesome. I do get you're finding some happy moments along your journey and I'm glad to hear that. Supporting you and wishing you all the best.
