I am just so disappointed in myself for being so weak with H.
Why do I keep trying? Why can't I just let go? Why do I keep hoping for a different answer any answer? Why do I keep hoping that he is still in there? Why am I having such a hard time excepting that this M is over, that we are getting a D? Why do I keep holding on, and hoping? How can this be happening? Why do I even want this anymore? Why am I even telling him that there is still a chance? It means nothing to him. But why be nice to me, why call me, why even talk to me???
Yes, I see the bargaining, yep...(big sigh)...Some of the crazy stuff in my head...what is/has happening to me. I use to be so confident, happy and sure of myself. I use to laugh, I'm trying to be that women again, just really hard to see through the trees.
I wish I had a fast forward button for my life right now.
