My mental state is a 1000x's better than this time last year.
In general I'm pretty happy. That doesn't mean I don't get hammered with a bad day now and again.
I have no idea what is going on with my XH, but I 100% percent accept him where he is at right now. Clearly he is still attracted to me if he will make a 2hr drive for sex... and its amazing! I see bits and pieces where he is unhappy in his current situation and at times works hard at covering it up. Sometimes I see him hit with shame/guilt and other times that he can't believe that things could be different or still angry that it took this step before things really changed. Not my circus/not my monkeys.
And... the sex is really good. The intimacy is still there when we take a bath together. So while I'm single and free why not have the good sex???
I mean I was completely comfortable shutting him off because I am really attracted to pilot and no way ever would I be sexually active with 2 guys at the same time. I really liked where things were going with pilot until the hiccup this weekend.
So for now I just go back to focusing on me and let my XH or pilot figure their crap out. If it turns out that either want to make an effort I will see how I feel at the time.
