Off to lunch on the farm with my Brother and family. Probably a good thing. Thinking about H this morning and really want to reach out, and I want to see him to talk to him to hold him. i know everyone says it gets better. I don't see that right now. I miss him every second of ever day. I hate what he is doing. I don't want a life without him. God this hurts. Why isn't our love stronger than this? How he dosent miss me and our life, I undersand MLC, but just don't understand how H can not see through this fog he is in. He is/ was one of the smartest most level headed people I knew. I keep thinking maybe that person is still in there somewhere.
But he has been drunk ever weekend since he left, hell he has been drunk ever weekend for the last 9 months. Drinking can really destroy a person and there life. I guess partying is more important that his life. Talked with a girlfriend yesterday, trying to set me up. No!! I have zero intrest. So sat a thought about that last night too.
Hate my life right now, all the years of love and happiness, just gone for no good reason.
