Clearly a glutton for punishment

[Elbereth]

Hi Ginger,

I can really relate to how you are feeling. I also struggle with the same feelings. It is really hard to ignore these thoughts and feelings. But everyone is right…that even if it feels that way doesn’t mean it’s reality. I am constantly reminding myself of this truth too.

I was listening to Lady Gaga talking to Oprah and she said that every time she has some negative thoughts, she writes down the thought. Then she writes down all the reasons why that thought is not backed up by ‘clear evidence’ or lists ‘clear evidence’ that contradicts it. For example, your thought is ‘you do not deserve a loving partnership or relationship’. But when you look at the evidence, you have all the skills to do it, there are many relationships in your life that are loving and a partnership (even if not romantic), and you also are aware of the things you want to work on that will also allow you to be the best kind of partner. That’s just a few. So, in that way, it might help to remind yourself that you are not what you think. You might just be focusing on the thought, and need to remind yourself of the reality instead. The truth might be as simple as that you haven’t met the right person yet. Or that you are attracting the wrong types, or some other thing that has nothing to do with you deserving a loving relationship. That voice in our heads is our worst critic. And it’s not real. It’s not really us. It’s fear. It’s insecurity. It’s that little girl that didn’t know better…

In regards to that little girl…I think it’s so great that you are looking at that side of yourself so that you can heal those wounds. I think the way I have been in my relationships is also a direct result of my parents terrible relationship example. But I am doing my best to learn from it instead of feeling doomed by it. I know that I put up with stuff I should never have and that I was a little too desperate for the perfect family unit too. But I am also trying to realize that it takes two to tango and even if my part wasn’t perfect, I still showed up and tried. And I am still showing up to myself in learning and growing from the experience. Admitting or being conscious of these things is powerful. As then you can change them or grow from them. We have the internet and so much information. My mom certainly didn’t. She did the best she could in the dark and with no resources.

I hear you. I see an amazing woman that is worthy of love and who puts out so much of it as well. It is totally understandable why you are having the feelings you are having. Just don’t believe them if there is no solid proof that they are true. That is what I am trying to do and hopefully these ideas help you too.

El

PS. Have a blast in FL.