My H’s lawyer was one of those who liked to fight about everything. My lawyer told me that she (his lawyer) once charged her client $500 going after $30. She had outlined a whole bunch of things in our agreement that weren’t necessary to even have in there…likely just to make more money off of XH. Luckily he wasn’t looking for a fight and just wanted to get through the divorce stage as quickly as possible which was favourable to me. Had I tried to drag it out or it went on for an extended period of time, I suspect my settlement would not have been near as good.
I wanted to either talk to H or my ATTY about a life ins. policy on D, because of the alimony. Thoughts? They way H is living right know, drinking, not eating healthy or taking care of himself. Also tonight it is snowing and blowing really bad in my area. Part of the highway is shut down, multiple car pile up. OW drives them around drunk all the time, complete idiot...what a chatch...
Your attorney would be the right person to talk to about what you want in a settlement.
If your XH would owe you $X/mo, and life insurance costs $Y/mo, I can't see him being opposed to giving you $(X-Y)/mo + insurance if you feel that works out best for you? You don't need to explain your reasons. That sounds more like an attempt to control XH than an attempt to settle finances in the way that works best for you in the long run.
If you feel your child's life is being put in danger, negotiate custody terms, not $$$.
Absolutely. Spot on with the Life insurance policy. If you're owed alimony, figure out what the amount is / duration and have him get a life insurance policy to cover that amount that he can then drop when alimony ceases.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Generally, the courts require the person paying the alimony or child support to have life insurance for over the term of the payments.
My W/XW was looking to divorce with great speed and with such gusto. As such, it was 60 days from Thanksgiving diner to legally separated. My separation was a flat $4000 fee, and I paid the $1000 cost of her lawyer. If it had gone to court it would have been $300/hr, and easily from 50 hours to sky is the limit.
Interestingly, XW paid for filing the divorce a year later. Yet, another item or proof, that she wanted this. An entire year, post separation, and she filed for divorce with another letter stating I have sole custody. Three times she’s thrown away her children - first at dinner, second in writing with the separation agreement, and third in writing with the filed divorce. The divorce submission was unannounced to me, and was completely paid for by her. From a legal stand point, this is a very good thing. Emotionally it took a bit longer to realize.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Absolutely. Spot on with the Life insurance policy. If you're owed alimony, figure out what the amount is / duration and have him get a life insurance policy to cover that amount that he can then drop when alimony ceases.
That is exactly what I have in my agreement. I pay for a policy that has my xW as the irrevocable beneficiary (a very important point for her lawyer). The agreement states that once I make the final payment that she is required to contact the insurance company to remove the irrevocable clause.
When the agreement was made it covered about 50% of the total amount of alimony to be paid. Right now it it's about 180% of the balance owing but small enough that I hope it's not worth-while for her to bump me off
At that point I'll probably cancel the other larger term-life policy that I have with the kids as the beneficiaries and make them the beneficiaries of this smaller whole life policy. It's still more than enough to settle the estate and leave them a modest legacy if that should come to pass.
This is I think a very common thing in my area but not necessarily in all as some people on this board hadn't heard of it before.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
WTF, I did not respond, but H just sent me a picture of Princess Stella no words, just the picture. He is probably laying in bed next to OW and he sends me a picture of our baby.. This man makes my blood boil. Seriously... WTF is he doing
He's doing his best to be central in everything. It's all about him - you are just one of the claques (an obscure word I know but applicable).
One thing I did learn second hand about affairs is that it's often not about the sex. It's about the thrill of getting away with it and the power they get over others who they feel want them.
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
Traveler, It is an attempt to secure myself finacially, due to H's poor choices and lifestyle. I can't control him, this is for my piece of mind and securty
Andrew, I did alot of research on A's before leading to MLC, so yes its about the thrill, the secrecy, the sneaking around and getting away with it. But this A is not a secret anymore and has been publicly displayed now for 3 months. Everyone knows, they are not hiding anything.
Side thought, Since H moved out he never asked for a D, I filed. After 2 weeks gone he said that he could not try because his heart would not be in it 100%. (thats when I decided to file, I had lost hope and was angry) Since then the few times we have spoken about us, he just says, "How would we go back" . I have told him that we can not go back but we can go forward. He doesn't get angry when we talk he just tells me he will think about it. That was when he came to shovel a few weeks ago. I also asked him about getting his own place, but he said it was too cold to move right now..really!!
His actions, retained a lawyer and still living with OW, I answered my own questions did I?
