Oh my, H is certainly flipping and flopping about, and lashing out. Over these three years you have guided your boys, and been an excellent role model; they have been watching.
Originally Posted by Eagle3
Do I intervene, or is this not a boundary I can come in between?
As you wisely see and stated, this is not your boundary, and your direct actions would be intervening.
The required boundary is from sons. The needed boundary is for them and their health.
You have explained MLC to the boys before. They understand their Dad. However, they can still be hurt be such disrespectful actions and words.
Talk to your boys. Explain how over the top Dad was, how irrational it is to say poor grades equate to not being a son anymore.
Ask the boys what they want. I suspect they would like no contact; especially when Dad is off on such an emotional trek. This is not new to them. At 14 and 17 they can decide if they see or talk to Dad. Support their decision, as I know you will.
They can love Dad, and not like him. It’s ok. It’s also ok to not see him, until they want too. MLC H is behaving like a rebellious teen, again. They need to treat him as such. It’s unfortunate when our kids need to be the adult in the room. However, when dealing with a crisis parent, they need to put on their life preserver and get away from the crazy storm.
The boundary need not be stated. It could be though, perhaps something like:
Dad, I was hurt when you yelled at me over school grades and told me I am no longer your son. Such disrespectful behaviour will not be tolerated. When you speak to me like that, I will hang up the phone, leave the room, or block your number.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
