Clearly a glutton for punishment

[BL42]

Ginger1,

I did spend much time in therapy working on why o accepted what I did from my ex. My father left to be with his then girlfriend. My mother was literally falling apart and losing her mind. I have no siblings. I was 19 and I was watching my already u stable life crumbling further. I was afraid, depressed, desperate. And there was my douchebag in shining armor, lol. I was afraid to be totally alone in this world. I was willing to pick up whatever someone would throw me. I cling to the pathetic crumbs he through me like life. Because I was terrified.

It's incredible how the behaviors our parent model for us impact our own patterns and relationships and cycle down the line. You hear about that quite a bit, it becomes much more clear when we recognize it in our own lives.

As time went on, I did just want to possibly recreate the family I never had and security i never had. It was a pattern that followed me with my ex and subsequent relationship. And completely backfired. I just ended up alone on the end. I came off probably as desperate and “fake” to some . I can see that now.

Great introspection!

Great introspection, Ginger. You may have made mistakes in life but knowing what you know is influencing you as a mother and will benefit your daughter. Sometimes good things do not directly change our lives but changes it through others that are important to us!

You have gotten some great comments and can just echo them in that I think you have shown some good insight into some things. Good for you from learning and growing.

I'll jump on the "great introspection bandwagon. Identifying the root causes are the best starting point for correcting our behaviors in the future.

RE: getting it right with a guy? Try replacing "can't" with "haven't yet".

A "Growth Mindset" is a be talking point in my company right now. A common phrase you'll hear leaders saying is adding in "...yet" to any statement about not being able to do something. Valid here too.

I am sad I haven't has success in the area of romantic love and partnership. I do think it is a very important part of life.

That's completely understandable. I feel the same at times and it's "only" been 2 years for me, not 14.

I often feel like I am being punished or I am undeserving of that kind of love and partnership. It is hard to not to compare to others. I do sometimes feel embarrassed and defective. I cant help it. It's just been a long long long time.

You feel that way, and that's certainly a valid feeling, but at the same time it doesn't mean you are that way. Everyone is deserving of love.

I often feel like I am being punished or I am undeserving of that kind of love and partnership

Honey - you do see how these are the words of the little girl who didn't get the love she needed from her parents, right?

Picture yourself as a young girl saying these words. How would you comfort that girl? You would certainly tell her that her parent's dysfunction was NOT HER FAULT and that she was worthy of love.

Great comment, kml! Take it to heart Ginger!

This weekend I will be at an indoor water park with D and her BFF. I will be chillin in the hot tub alone with my beverage and a book. I love the part where she is old enough to do her thang.

Ginger - Hope you have a great weekend at the water park and make some good memories with your D & her BFF. Certainly enjoy your time in the hot tub w/your book and beverage, but don't forget about the lazy river and wave pool as well!