WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - Divorced Anyway (6)

[BL42]

It's really not just the cheating, is it? It's the lying to your face, the selfishness and lack of concern for the effect on your children etc. It really shows you something about your spouse's character.

kml - Absolutely. Most definitely. It's interesting...since BD/D I've heard stories from people, even those close to her, about her always having those traits but it wasn't my experience of her when we were together so it's hard to wrap my head around it. Was she that way all along and I missed red flags or did she keep it hidden only to have them surface, but then how do you hide that for 7-9 years? It's a bit of a mystery to me and my family.

Fair enough BL. It's interesting that although there is no going back you still want her her and OM to fall apart. I am not saying you are wrong for having these feelings it just runs into the whole forgiveness and unconditional love conversations.

LH - I do have feelings of revenge and karma at times, and those feelings do run counter to forgiveness and unconditional love. I admit it. Hopefully over time I can work through my pain and process those feelings and get to a better place for my own sake so I don't have the anger and pain inside. I'm assuming time helps as well.

@kml, the night before your wedding?! I didn’t catch that before. How horrible.

It wasn't until a few years later when I was 9 months pregnant with our second child that I discovered that she had gotten pregnant from that encounter and had had an abortion while we were on our 6 week honeymoon. Ugh

kml - That's despicable. I'm not even sure what to say. Sorry you had to go through that.

@BL42 - As for other thoughts, it’s natural to hurt on an anniversary and we’ve all experienced that. Each anniversary you’ll feel it less. The dream that was, the nightmare after. You are building a new life that can be amazing, too. Note, your continuing anger towards OM2 hurts you not him. Whatever karma or justice is due to him, for continuing with your ex-wife once he realized she had recently broken her wedding vows to you, will happen whether or not you get upset when you’re talking with your daughter over FaceTime and he appears.

Thanks Traveler. Excellent point when you say "your continuing anger towards OM2 hurts you not him." You're of course correct. I feel my anger and OM2 isn't even aware of it. I need to ponder that and work on it for myself. Don't give ExW and OM2 headspace and allow them to negatively impact my outlook.

I'll skip the long personal details, but I can relate 100% to what you're experiencing. I'm 7 1/2 years into it. Based on your summary, you are doing everything right, that's awesome! Keep up the great work and don't quit, ever.

mvg - Really appreciate you chiming in, and the words of encouragement. I just read through your latest thread and plan to respond and read through all your threads when I get a chance. Sounds like your 5 years ahead of me with very similar situations (we both had a 4yo & 1yo when the affair/BD/divorce happened).