Hi Andrew, Yes, I remember very well, when H crossed the line from EA to PA. Not that I knew it at the time. But when he came home from his yearly trip, he had changed. That was May 2021. He felt different, like he went inside himself and wasn't the same happy, fun loving man he had been all the years before. I asked him after he came home, if something had happened on his trip that he wanted to talk about. Someone had posted a photo of him standing next to OW in a pool, and the picture bothered me, the look on her face. In fact that was the first question I asked him was why she was hanging out with them..
Over the next month, whenever I asked what was wrong, h just said it was work, nothing was wrong. blah blah blah...after it came out I scoured the internet for books and articles on affairs. Tried to get H to read stuff, but he would tell me that all of the stuff I sent to him just made it worse, and didn't help him. He had feelings for her had fell in love. This is when the drinking exploded. All the while making me believe that he was cutting contact, but was on the fence. Oh the lies, and lies and lies. It was a living hell. He would start fights with me, we never use to fight.
But yes, they all seem to follow the same patterns after BD. I should have trusted my gut, my gut was telling me it was all a lie. I did not want to believe it. I was despertly clinging to my M. Well that didn't work, nothing I did over that 6 month period worked. I should have kicked him out in June on BD. But he lied to me and I lied to myself. I so wanted to despertly believe we would make it through his A, and it was just a bump in the road that we could work through. He check out emotionally on me, long before it turned to a PA. I see it now, not sure it would have made a difference if I would have seen it then??
Never thought that within a year from BD, that we would be D'ed. As of now final court date is set for 6-6-22, Bd was 6-11-21. Like I have said before, it just feels like it is moving too fast for me. I know I can't stop it, and need to just keep moving forward.
When I think back over this last summer, and remember how he acted, and the fights he started, then the times when he would seem to be coming back to the M only to turn away again. All just a complete mind F***.... I can see his struggle now, at the time I just thought I was losing my mind. Makes me angry, yet sad for how lost he was and is.
