I found that I was pretty angry for the whole day and felt like calling him to tell him what a complete idiot he his being. Its just hard so hard to understand the choices that the MLCer makes. I guess because it is nothing I would ever do and I have always been a open and honest person. H was my person to turn to, I guess I was not his. If he loved me as deeply as I love him, he would not be doing this. The monster I saw over the summer, so filled with anger and hate towards me.. WTF???
I have spent some time thinking back over the last few years to try and figure out when H started down this road. I am not really sure. His Dad passed away in 2009, H was only 35 then. His Dad did not have a grave marker for many years, as he was buried next to his twin sister. Someone in the family finally had a marker made, H has been visiting his grave on Fathers day since he died. Almost like he was making up for lost time with him.
H has 2 step brothers, that we don't know that well. H's Dad adopted him when he married his mom, but H always felt like a outsider. because he was adopted. I would always encourage him to seek relationships with his family, but he always kept to the out skirts, with the exception of his cousin. I know that all of this bother H over the years, we had many conversations about it.
Grandma was his rock, she past last December. Her mind started to go about a year prior to her death. Again, H and I talked alot about Grandma and her health and what she ment to him. He talked about it all of the time. I guess I can see that he started to bottle it up a little 10 to 12 months before she passed.
I guess, I just don't understand the whole A aspect of MLC. This just cuts me the deepest. H and I talked all the time, we knew couples that went through A's. We both saw the destuction and pain it caused close friends. He always believed and swore he would never do this, he never saw the point in them. We (I thought) were always on the same page on the journy of our life together. To turn so completely away from me and cut me out of his life like this, to replace me with that disgusting OW. How does a person come back from that? He says he is in love, what happen to love he felt for me?
Just kind of rambling this mornig.
My taste in men... my first long term boyfriend.. OMG, I would not give him the time of day, today. The secound one, he was a con man.. ugh thats a long story.. H and I were friends while I was dating that guy. H did not like him, and had no problem telling me. Right now I can't see past H to even think about other men, just goes against everything I believe in right now.
