Ok, got home and finally got the chance to read though. What an interesting read!
FIrst, I will tell you, I have been at this for 14 years, the lifetime of my daughter pretty much, as my exH left when my daughter was 6 months old. He left for other woman, and was engaged ot be married shortly after the divorce was legal. They will celebrating their 11th wedding anniversary on april fools day. I have been single pretty much all throughout. Dated, had one serious relationship. She goes to his house every other weekend and one night a week. I have been handling all school, all medical, all childcare, switching jobs ot accommodate her schedule because I had had no help. I have a moved a few times and bought a house on my own in a very expensive region, all on my own. I do it all. While holding down a full time career and part time job. Activities are on my nights. It;s been lonely and challenging to say the least. I only spent her first holidays with my ex and I have never spent them with a partner since
That being said. I know it was mentioned I play mario kart with my ex and child and his wife. It took years to be able to this. We are friendly. But do we have this fantastic coaparenting relationship where we carry equal weight? Absolutely not. My ex has it good. I do all the heavy lifting. He takes her on nice vacations. We speak maybe once a week. I fill him in when needed. He has no idea what she is doing in school. Hasn't been to a parent teacher conference since first grade. We get along, are friendly, but I do all the work.
Now, my one serious boyfriend has the most awful relationship with his ex. They exchanged their child at the police station. COmmunicated via an app that is submissible to a court parent coordinator to mediate disagreements. Others simply don't have animosity, but aren't these partners in parenting.
On to your dating life. First, Kudos for having one ! You seem to be doing alot better in that area than alot of people. It seems as if you are seeing a woman who seems great. Hey, good for her to have a great coparenting relationship. I can see you are a bit jealous. Is it because you don't have that with your ex wife, or is it because you want that with her, but she has it with her ex?
When you have 2 divorces, and 2 sets of kids, families look different. Is she ever going ot be your primary partner in parenting? No. Most likely not. Will she care for your kids and you will care for hers? Yes! You can do that while she has a good good coparenting relationship with her ex!
I know I am not finding a coparent in a partner. My daughter is 14, so definitely not. WHat is important to me is a partner who can be there for me during the ups and downs of parenting. Maybe not be an active parent to my kid, but be my support. That's the super lonely part for me. NO support for me. I can handle my daughter just fine and have been for a lifetime. With my ex boyfriend, I very much loved his son. He called me "bonus mom"but really, he wanted no part in me participating in parental way. He likes that attention to himself. But I sure did love him. ANd he was great with my D, but not a dad figure. I was always there to support him in his parenting, while not parenting his child.
I understand the lonely part of parenting. It's not the phsyical stuff for me, it;s sharing the emotional. I desire a partner who could support me and hear me in that, but not have to do it. I think if you just restructure your thinking to knowing your current girlfriend can be a supportive partner to you while being a good coparent with her ex husband at the same time, you might see you have it pretty good! I
