7 1/2 years later...I'm trying

[mvg]

Whew, ok, let me jump in here. First, I appreciate the time you spent to give me all of this input. Yes, I am absolutely jealous of my GFs relationship with her ex. I'm also jealous of anyone that has a good relationship with their XW/XH, as life would be infinitely better. The town my boys and I live in is very small, a "everyone knows everyone" kind of place, not a lot of single parents, maybe 10, i'm one of two dads I know of. I have plenty of parent friends that help one day a week carpooling to sports, it's a help for sure. In terms of adjunct and freelance, a few years ago I gave up the adjunct for one semester (bc of a job thing) and I lost the gig for a year, had to wait for the other person to leave on their own. I don't have much savings, and the job market is always a source of anxiety, so I try to say yes to every opportunity that comes my way.

I've been in IC with the therapist that saw my XW and I years ago, she's wonderful. The only problem is, she has been very clear that she doesn't feel that there's much she can do for me. Unfortunately, this echoes another therapist that saw me for about 6 months, who said the same thing. They are both very complimentary and tell me that I'm doing everything I should be doing and that it's more about acceptance at this point.

I'd rather not get into too much personal stuff (weird to say here after being so personal) but, yes I do have hobbies. I'm very active physically, and also have been very lucky professionally with a big hobby of mine. I do find it pretty hard to get together with old friends, they're all married with kids and usually need weeks of notice and often can't make it. I have a few very close friends that I speak with on the phone at least once a week, friends I've had for 20+ years. I'm very lucky in that regard.

I will say that you absolutely hit the nail on the head when you said I've been in survival mode for 7 1/2 years. You are 100% accurate. Yes, day to day focused, for sure. I didn't come for advice on my current GF, if that's how it came across, that's my fault. It was more a question/comment/thoughts about single parenting for so long without a partner in any capacity (current or XW). My GF and her awesome relationship with her XH just shines a light on that even brighter for me.

I really do appreciate your input on this, thank you.