Glutton for punishment

[DonH]

Dang G reading this makes me feel so bad for you - not sorry for you like in a pity way, but just bad for you. I’d almost say my heart breaks for you and that doesn’t happen often. You obviously can’t go back, what’s done is done but clearly you let these guys get away with so much! Your ex, omg it boggles the mind why you’d even marry him. Two years to say ILY? Now clearly that’s better than two months or the two weeks it takes some to think they are in love, but just the other end of the spectrum. Then the guy who wrote “love you” that barely counts. It’s a way to say it without committing. I’ve done it! When I more than like the person but am not in love I’ve used “luv you” and yes spelled that way. Saying or writing I love you is the real deal. And anyone who avoids it being Valentine’s Day is clearly not in it. As BL said he likely felt pressure and didn’t handle it well. I’ve also been there and for me is often when I’m feeling forced or smothered, though I’ve never pretended it was not a holiday mind you. And a guy not wanting to post about vacation? Seriously?

I won’t try to analyze the why’s, if I even could, but you most certainly deserve more and perhaps needed to expect and require it. You seem to be doing that more now. Although that may be a component of this…

unfortunately the more time that passed and the older i get, the more impossible it seems. and the more guarded i get. my trust my hope, my vulnerability. its almost gone.

Very understandable. You are so accomplished at so many things: career, mother, daughter, friend and many more. It’s in the R venue where you struggle. You’re not alone! I’ve met others. In some ways I’m there myself. But just because what happened, happened, does not mean it can’t be different in the future. But that largely comes down to you. The common denominator with all these guys is you. You choose them and you choose to not make them measure up. What and how much the woman cleats and requires effects what the man does. If anything should be carried forward it’s that. Letting the rest go as best as you can is your best choice. Until then I’m really sorry for these past hurts. You really do deserve better. Don’t forget that.