Is it "gaming the situation" to express your love to your partner? To show them that you value them? I think not.
That being said, given the Five Love Languages, one might be wise to figure out your partner's love languages before deciding what to do for them for Valentine's Day. The time I filled my husband's car with red construction paper hearts for him to find when he left for work was probably a gigantic waste of time, since his love languages (I later deduced) were quality time and gifts. An expensive titanium ice ax would have been a better move (although not in our budget that year!).
Among the best gifts I ever got (not Valentine's day) were from a college boyfriend. He was a very poor graduate student (didn't even have a car, which in Southern California was a real handicap at the time). But when we first met and he found out it was my birthday (I was volunteering in the recycling center near his lab) he came back and brought me a nice pottery honey jar from his office. Later when he would come to see me he would bring me flowers he picked on the walk from the bus stop. It was the thoughtfullness that got me. Sigh. He's still the one that got away.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think MLC was saying it is gaming to express love for a partner. I actually agree with most of what MLC said, though I would have phrased it differently. Does it really blow chunks that dudes strung G along and then only said I love you on Valentine's Day because it is somehow expected? Yes! She deserves better! Sadly though, I think many of us walk this fine line where we say Valentine's Day is so commercial and our partners should express love always, not just on some expected day because the calendar tells them too, but those same ones of us are the first to get hurt or complain when the partner lets the day go by unnoticed, with minimal effort, or with "common" expressions like flowers and candy. Now, I'm not saying G did anything wrong in her situation. She had guys that were @$$hats. To MLC's point, though, if her XH or boyfriend had been gaming her and said I love you earlier just because she wanted to hear it, is that really any different than being expected to say it on Valentine's Day?
Sparky and I celebrated Valentine's Day over the weekend. We had a fun outing. Sunday he cooked me a delicious meal and we watched a romantic comedy. Last night, we had no plans to celebrate, but last minute, we got off work at the same time so went to a local restaurant for supper before heading home. I had a small present for him that is something he can use for work....no candy or huge expressions of love. He didn't have anything for me and I truly didn't expect him to because we'd already celebrated over the weekend and we'd spent money on things we both wanted. I only had a present for him because it was something I had ordered that I knew he needed for work and it happened to arrive Friday. But here's the REAL romance in our life to me. I had not slept well Sunday night into Monday morning. In fact, I was awake from midnight until nearly 5:00 am, so all night, basically. So, last night, after we got home from our impromptu supper date (I was starving and had not eaten lunch at work because I was super busy, so I wanted to eat in town so I didn't have to wait until I got home and cook something....I was hangry! LOL), we chatted about our days, plans for the week, etc. Then, knowing that I had not slept the night before and was tired and a little down, he suggested we go to bed early and just watch tv or read or whatever. I knew if I tried to read I would be out pretty quick, so I said tv was fine. (Yes, we watch a lot of tv...it is what it is.) That precious man, sat there and let me curl up with my head in his lap, he tucked me in good with my sable soft blanket that he bought me for my birthday 2 years ago (a GREAT gift because I love me some cozy blankets), and he rubbed my back until I fell asleep and then just sat and watched tv for awhile and continued rubbing my back even after I was out just to make sure I stayed asleep and was getting some rest. Now, THAT, my friends, is the romance I'm looking for. I love getting cut flowers (yes, I said it and I'm so tired of everyone who acts like you are somehow dooming the planet if you like cut flowers) and candy (I'm a fat girl...duh!) and cards are always a treasure, but a man who will just BE in the moment with you and relax and take care of you.....THAT is romance. It doesn't have to be all wine and roses, which again, is the point that I interpreted from MLC's comments. It is the little things for me. The first year we were together, Sparky bought me a rather expensive Kurt Adler nutcracker for Christmas. He has quietly and without my saying anything beyond expressing my gratitude for the gifts and admiring how unique they are, bought me a different and unusual nutcracker for Christmas every year since. The first one was unique to us in that it featured a prominent "character" that plays into an inside joke we share that always makes us both laugh. This year's addition to the collection was from the local dollar store, but Sparky spent time looking at them and shopping at several places before he settled on that one for very specific reasons. Might not seem like much to some, but means the world to me. As far as cut flowers, I didn't get any for Valentine's day, but I get them on random days of the week just because Sparky went in a store and saw some and thought of me. He's definitely a keeper!
Sorry for the long hijack, but G, I'm so sorry you have had crappy Valentine's Day experiences. I hope you have the one you deserve at some point.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
