Andrew, Yes I printed the lighthouse and just re read it.

B- Yes, talking with him has gotten me nowhere, so whats the point really. He has convinced himself that this is the life he wants, nothing I can do or say will matter. Wanting to talk to him is just me hoping to hear him have some remorse or love back in his voice, which is not going to happen.

He doesn't really think that he is doing anything wrong. "Just fell in love, these things happen" At least thats what he is telling our friends...So frustrating and hurtful that our life or me have no impact on him anymore. Like it just never really ment anything, and I am disposable to him. Just breaks my heart that he has turned away from me, from us. He only is nice or reaches out when OW isn't around or when he is at work and sober.

He responed today, to the email about giving a donation for my nephew, I did not respond no need to.

Thanks Traveler- H said he will make sure I am taken care of, I don't know what he means by that, or what he thinks he means by that. Not sure he really understands what this will actually look like, from a financial point. I hope that yesterdays party he had was a bit of a slap in the face with the lack of attendence and not having his Man Cave or his wife, to host it. OW has started putting in her 2 cents about how we should split our assets. (the same way she is trying to screw over her H) This makes my blood boil, oh how I would love to have words with that POS...I know, I won't...but ughhhh, she pisses me off.....

Rambling/venting

I have been reading The Heats Blessing site, lots of good information on there.
I don't feel strong right now. I see that this is going to be a long road, not sure how far I can make it. I have never felt so powerless in my life, and I don't like it. H always had my back and I had his, now thats gone, and I just feel so lost without him. Not sure where I fit in anymore, I was wrapped up in the safety of our M, our life and thats gone. I will never understand how he could walk away from the love we had, that I have for him. How he could choose to be with someone so dishonest, with no morals, no values, just dirty...I know she is a symptom, but its so disappointing that he has turned into such a heartless person and continues to make such horrible decisions every day. For the love of god, when does the new and shiny wear off. And when does this ache in my chest go away, it s been over 10 weeks since he left and I still cry every f-ing day.