Thanks everyone. I’m still trying to come to terms with all of this. As if life hasn’t kicked me enough these last few years, I now have to deal with this. Beyond her issues with me, I’m really, really worried about her lack of emotional maturity [I have given her way too much credit] and her grudge holding. She actually said to me…”If one of my friends said something mean to me two years ago, would you expect me to still be friends with them?” Ummmm…depends what they said but for the most part, yes. People aren’t perfect. If your plan is to divorce yourself from anyone who ever disappoints you, you will be forever looking for new friends and partners. I have a really good friend that I’ve known since we were six years old. I’m sure I got into at least one argument with her every couple of months when we were kids. I remember her throwing a hairbrush at me when we were about ten years old and me kicking her out of my house… and then making up a couple days later…lol. Intuitively, I knew this friend was struggling emotionally so I put up with a lot of moodiness and anger. Fast forward 30 years and I find out she was being sexually abused by her adoptive father (who always gave me the creeps) and her friendship with me and my sister was one of only a few sources of happiness for her growing up so I’m really glad I stuck with her.
I don’t know what my daughter’s issue is [definitely not as serious as what my friend was dealing with] other than she is quite jealous of her brother and thinks I favour him and that I should punish him every time she says he called her a name. I have no doubt that happens but I also see her treating him really poorly when she is in a bad mood and being sweet to him when she wants something from him. He is the same kid every day and has to contend with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and never knows which one he is going to encounter. His experience with her is the same as mine. Sometimes I’m the best and other times I’m the worst and it has very little to do with what I do or say and a whole lot more to do with her mood at the moment of contact.
Really wanted to text her tonight and say goodnight but decided against it. It’s going to be radio silence from me for a bit unless she reaches out to me. I just don’t want to make things worse and give her the space she asked for even though I think it is completely ridiculous. Feels a bit like the inmates are running the asylum but what can I do? I know I’m a good mom. She knows I’m a good mom. She just needs to be mad at me right now and as per usual, I will take one for the team. It’s my birthday on Tuesday. I invited SD22 to dinner so hopefully she can make it. S14 will be there…jury is out on D14. I think she has volleyball so I’m just going to leave it alone.
G - I know your D14 puts you through the ringer too. I recall having a bit more anger towards my mom than my dad growing up but I would never have dreamed of putting her through what D14 is putting me through. Of course, my mom had my dad for back up and I didn’t have to contend with a divorce and having two homes. It’s weird when I think about it. I think I was emotionally a bit closer to my dad (we were a lot a like personality-wise) but it was my mom I talked to every day and who knew the most about my life. I was always a lot more protective of my dad and his feelings. When I was upset about something, it was my mom who got to see it and my dad who got the smile and the “everything’s okay”.
Anyway…I feel like I’m rambling. Have to get some sleep tonight. Back in the office tomorrow and I know I have a ton of work waiting for me. Hopefully I will be able to focus on that and not worry about my daughter. (((HUGS)))
