We all require a certain level of understanding before we can start to let go. Seeing the wisdom of going dark shows you are gaining rationalization and understanding of the emotional mess and turmoil H is embroiled within.
Being dark, going no contact, is for you. This is not some tool, or quick fix to wake H up. This is for you to maintain your emotional and mental health. For you to detach from H. Let go or be dragged.
Detachment gives you your emotions back. You detach from H; his behaviour and words will no longer uncontrollably drag your emotions around. You will still feel, just not uncontrollably. This is a great step in healing. You regain your influence over your emotions and feelings.
Indifference is the next big step after that. Indifference is an absence of feelings towards H and his behaviour. This will be a strange landscape to you. To be numb towards one you “loved” so much. That emotional void is normal and healthy, (and temporary) and a little ways off right now. Just giving you a road map of sorts. I always found it helpful to keep my bearings and headings properly aligned; it lessening the amount of meandering one does in the boggy quagmire. I also like to know the reason for the step I am currently working on. As in, detachment leads to indifference.
For today, yes, go no contact and move forwards towards detachment. Success in this endeavour lay in focusing on you, not H. NC, focus on you, GAL, all working together.
You are upon two paths, emotional and business. Interestingly, dealing with the business side fosters detachment as well. Be clear and logical on the business path. Once done whatever is needed, you can cry after. That’s a strategy I employed which worked well.
You mentioned filing for divorce in January. You have transferred half of the monies to your own account. And you have a court date for the end of March. Is there a draft settlement yet? Do you own your house, mortgage, rent? What are the plans for the house? Selling, keeping?
I’m interested and would like to be able to provide specific advice tailored to your situation. For example, there would be not much value you and I talking about your lovely backyard if you plan on selling it.
How about you? Work, retired? Hobbies? Reading, movies, jogging, knitting, what are you passionate about? What do you enjoy? I know you are starting at the animal shelter next Saturday, which is awesome by the way.
Hope your surgery pain is quelled and you have a peaceful Sunday.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
