Thank you DnJ, The way you patiently put this, like your words are the calm in the storm, for me. The pain they are in, that breaks my heart the most. I know he is in pain, he is struggling and lost. Thats what keeps me holding on, when I know I should not. I want to help him to hold him and get past this. I know that I can not do that, I can not help him, no matter how desperatly I want to. I have been reading your thread, you have handled it in a amazingly calm and understanding manner. I need to channel my inner DnJ.
Over the summer after the A came out, H broke down one day, cried and told me he was broken. Seeing him like that crushed me, the man I have always seen as strong, happy and sure in live. I thought maybe, at the time, it was a break through. I was wrong. Looking back on the time before he moved out, I can see all of the internal struggles he was having. Telling me " we are going to be ok, I choose us" then taking it back the next day or hour. I know I tend to focus on the OW too much, blame her too much, especially as more info trickles my way about the lies and deceit of the last 8 months.
