Do the MLCers ever stop, in moments like this, and ever think about the life they had? Any moments of clarity? Like a what am I doing, moment?
Absolutely. You’ve witnessed such flip flops, such peaks out of the tunnel, such fleeting moments of clarity from H. However, the pressure and torment to run is enormous.
H is within the infatuation stage of his running. That often includes an affair. However, the infatuation is much more insidious than an affair, and has little to do with the AP. It’s the fantasy of their new wonderful life. They are intoxicated by it. And, they hate it. And they hate themselves. Hence the running. It is much more running from something than to something.
The energies and maintenance to keep up their narrative. New friends, and old friends ok with or unaware of what their doing, are kept around and used - yes used in the ugly sense of the word - used to foster the MLCers’ pixie dust filled reality. Anyone not toting the obligatory affirmation-speak to the narrative is cut from the cast. Anyone who stands in the way, is mowed down.
They are running from an all consuming emotional crisis. Something we thankfully have no first hand knowledge of. My XW confided she thought she was going crazy. During the last months before bomb drop, she destroyed her 24 year child care business, tried another business, cried all day while me and the kids were away at work and school. She hid all this. She could not explain, reconcile, nor face it. And eventually, after blaming and destroying the other parts of her life, her attention turned to me, marriage, and kids. Projecting and blaming the cause of all her immense pain upon us, her loving family. She threw everything away and ran.
And she ran, 1 mile away. She is basically my neighbour to the south.
I have little doubt MLCers, cheaters, and so on, do look back, have moments of clarity, and such. For they are people. Like you said, we all do.
That is something to hold dear amidst this storm. Hurt people, hurt people.
H is hurt and in pain. And he lashed out, and he ran. He is a person, not a monster. He is only behaving in a monster-like way.
Everyone sees the world through their lens. Until H grows and heals, his moments of clarity will be seen and run from, dismissed, ignored, or whatever. From my view and lens anyhow.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
