Do the MLCers ever stop, in moments like this, and ever think about the life they had? Any moments of clarity? Like a what am I doing, moment? We had so many good memories from our Super bowl parties. One year we built a bowling lane out of ice in the yard and had a ice bowl tourny. God that was a fun day.
S
Hi Stella.
To be frank, we can't know if they have regrets or not. In the pixie-dust fairy land that they live in perhaps all is sparkles and shine. We can't know. Some do admit to having regrets, usually only after their dreams fall apart and they try to circle back like a vulture saying the things that they hope will get them back in. And yes - I'm perhaps rather cynical about such things.
Right now you are in the tough part of this journey. Second guessing yourself and him. Boy oh boy have I been there and even 6 years out still have similar thoughts.
One of the things that I learned here, and it was tough to learn, was to let go of their destiny and focus on my own. My xW and OM live about 10 minutes away from here in a small house that if I do the math, that I'm paying for. She gave up what I felt was a comfortable life, good husband. I know she's kept an eye on me - she was seen lurking in the shrubberies at the garden centre across the street a few years ago when I was dating someone. And yes - finding the absurdity in it all can help. It certainly helped me.
I know essentially nothing about their lives. I just send the payment each month as agreed to in our divorce. Letting to of someone and the life you shared together is so very very hard. You have a lot of sunk costs as does he. And shedding that bit of "normalcy" is hard, undoubtedly on both sides which is why he occasionally does things that appear "normal" to you. It's hard to not try to read things into it which may or may not be there.
I've not really followed your story much but know you are not alone. Many have trod this path before you. In a minority of the cases, the leaving spouse has circled back and reconciled even when there has been an OW involved. A good number of those left again after causing even more damage the second time around. In most cases, they don't circle back. And the LBS for the large part has realized that they feel freer and have a better life without their former partner as hard as that is to believe at this point in your journey.
((Stella20))
On BD H52, W50 T27, M26 S21, D23 BD-9-Mar-16 D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18 I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good. But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
