When I first came here, I had a one year old baby. Now I have a four year old! He’s such a joy. Big boy, too— 110cm and 20kg (43in and 44lb in freedom units). He does ballet and swimming and loves both. He asked me to invite his dad to his Christmas ballet concert, which I did, and he came, which was fine. We’ve only been in the same space twice in the past three years— first in the hospital during our son’s operation last year, then the concert. But it was fine. My mother struggled though. She told me beforehand that she would make polite small talk, but coming face to face for the first time in three years, she lost her nerve and had to excuse herself. She felt absolutely terrible afterward. I told her the next time would be easier.
As for my son, his behaviour has been wonderful the past few months and I no longer have any serious concerns. He sometimes grumbles when he goes to his dad’s, but he says he loves him more often than not. I don’t react, pry, encourage or discourage anything he says. Only validate. There was one instance where I got a phone call at 10:30 at night when he was sleeping over there. Just about broke my heart to hear his quavering little voice begging me to come pick him up. But I reassured him, he went to sleep, and it hasn’t happened again. I sat with the decision to be honest with him about his dad for a long time. It’s not something I took lightly. But my guiding principle is always honesty. If he’s old enough to ask, he’s old enough to hear the answer. In plain terms, couched in age-appropriate concepts he understands. In my heart, I feel content with my choice.
The first anniversary of divorce came and went without notice. I don’t really feel the need to celebrate like I did last year. There’s no feeling attached to it at all. It’s nice! Life is really, really great. There’s a deep contentment and satisfaction permeating my every day.
I left my job of nearly eight years after being headhunted for a senior role at a new company. That was hard and scary, but I’ve learned to embrace change, and after a month it seems like I can really be successful here. There are so many opportunities in tech and the best way to make big leaps in salary and learning is to change companies often. I hope to stay here for a few years at least. S4 will be in school in 12 months’ time, so I can go back to work five days a week if I choose. But I’ve become so used to four days and it’s incredible for work/life balance (as is remote work). My company is actually based in another state and I’ve yet to meet anyone in person. Feels like I’m playing a high stakes video game at times. Kinda surreal.
Son’s dad hasn’t given me much grief since the camping trip drama. He isn’t present outside of his regular parenting time, in that he doesn’t ever call, or get involved with kindy or other activities, and seems happy for me to handle all the mental and emotional load when it comes to raising our son. Which is fine, I have never known it any differently. We are able to be flexible around family events, birthday parties for son’s friends, changes to drop off or pick up time. Nothing about any interaction stings me any more. He definitely annoys me, like when he sends poop underwear back home, unwrapped and unwashed in son’s school bag. But I stopped expecting him to act normally a long time ago.
Not sure what’s going on with OW— son went months without seeing her, but she popped up again recently. I stopped being invested in the outcome of that relationship a long time ago, too. At this point it’s just idle curiosity. Son is happy, I’m happy, it’s all good.
I’m finally investing in landscaping for my home. I’ve had a front yard full of weeds since we built the place six years ago because we were on a shoestring budget at the time. My salary has more than doubled since then. The equity in my property has exploded since the start of the pandemic, and I’m so thankful I was in a financial position to keep the house, despite D-Day happening at the end of my year-long maternity leave. Not just because I love the home I designed and built, but because it’s become an amazing investment. I don’t think I would be in such a good place emotionally if I wasn’t in such a fortunate position financially. I’ve been very, very lucky and I’m grateful every day.
What’s not going well? Need to lose some COVID kilos. Not too much, maybe 3-5kg (6-11lb). Clothes are getting a little tight! But if that’s my worst problem, it’s a good one to have.
