Glad you are mobile and feeling well after your surgery.
Originally Posted by Stella20
It just baffles me that he can treat me like this. I have always loved and supported him, I have done nothing to him to deserve such horrible treatment...How do you get over that??
You find forgiveness.
Forgiving H is really for you.
Being able to write paid in full upon that emotional invoice you currently hold, is incredibly freeing.
It’s a bit of a trek walking such a noble path, and very well worth it. For you are worth it!
Originally Posted by Stella20
A few random thoughts questions Why do they always A down?? Why don't they see what a horrible person that the OW is, that they are being?
Why is H still going to IC?
I have read about how the LBS has to get over our long term addiction and bonding with our spouses. What happened to the WS long term bond with us? How do they just flip the switch?
By far most cheaters affair down. Cheating and destroying one’s family and vows is not a noble path. To affair up would be highly unlikely. I mean who is going to want someone who is a cheater and is actively hurting their children, spouse, friends and family?
Consider the emotional state of a person in crisis. Their cannot handle rejection either. They’re in so much pain, they are running from any and all pressure and looking for the next fix, high, or happiness to distract them. They need someone who is “down” who won’t say no.
My XW was so happy with her new man and family. She proudly told me and kids, that “OM and OM’s son let me get away with whatever I want”. The affair partner’s desperation and neediness and emotional immature allows the mixed up spouse to feel good about themselves. Feel like they have it all together. Just part of their narrative fantasy. And they will find the players they need for the parts of that fantasy. Find new friends. Even new kids to play mommy to. Yet another thing XW is doing. Acting like and referring to herself as OM son’s mom, and him as her son. My kids, her real kids, are not amused.
They don’t see the horrible person the affair partner is because they can’t. Horribleness, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.
Why H might still be going to IC. He is still living within two (or more) worlds. He is trying to be the good guy, an attempt to show he is working to be better. That, like everything he does, is for himself. He is trying to tell himself something.
Also, he is getting something, some wanted reinforcement from IC. Most IC explores what you bring up. H may not, and likely is not, portraying things as they really are.
It seems like a switched flipped. However, most that leave have been thinking and plotting it for quite some time. They already went through withdrawal. And to that, the person in crisis in emotionally different. They don’t feel towards you.
Originally Posted by Stella20
I filed for D in early Jan., final court date is June 6th. I am feeling like I jumped the gun and filed too fast. I don't know, just feel like this is all moving too fast for me. I don't want a D, I want my M, a new M with my H. I believe that M is for life, better or worse, through good times and bad. Am I a idiot for holding onto that, my vows, my promises to my H and M?
It is wise to maintain your vows. You will know when/if you are ready to let them go.
Divorce is just a piece of paper. It does not exclude or prevent a new marriage or relationship with “new” H. Divorce is just the legal untangling of you two.
I see you believe in M for life, for better or worse. Til death do us part. A divorce does not necessarily break that. You can still hold your values, and let go of H. That is a rare path in our modern world. However, you need not decide today. Discover your beliefs and strengthen those that serve you.
I do see the possibilities with leaving out two wine glasses, or other little things, while maintaining deniability. However, be careful not to stray too far into manipulation. Do for you.
You do not want the responsibility of a possible reconciliation failing, or pushing H away. Him seeing signs may intrigue him, or it may convince him that things are irreparable. Whatever you do, do for you. Let him go and let him walk his path while you walk your’s.
Personally, I do not like the disingenuousness of such appearances. A stray man’s shirt, extra wine glass, all seem geared to stir up jealousy. Is that a worthy tool for crafting reconciliation? Could be, I ain’t ever been reconciled.
In the end, you have to live with yourself and your actions. If the M is restored or a new R is started, that is a bonus. The true path is you and your life. Be sincere. Live in the light.
And I do freely admit I am pretty far to the truth and honour side of things. I’d not want to win W back by sneak or such. I live authentically. If she can’t see it, or doesn’t want it, that’s ok. For I do.
Originally Posted by Stella20
I really need to figure out how to do those quotes.
The syntax of quote is:
[ quote=Username]What you want to quote.[/quote]
Note: There really is no space between “[” and “quote=Username”. I added the space so the site’s html would not create the quote and you could see the syntax. With that extra space removed the quote command is run and you’d get:
Originally Posted by Username
What you want to quote.
Your quoted statement from above (with added space so you can see the structure):
[ quote=Stella20]I really need to figure out how to do those quotes.[/quote]
By the way, username is optional. The syntax doesn’t demand it. However, username is useful.
Have a great evening.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
