first: talk to your lawyer before you get a job. this is very important as you head towards divorce. I'm not saying don't get a job, i'm saying understand exactly what you're dealing with first.
second: kudos to you for the service work. I started volunteering at an endangered animal educational facility because my son went to his dad's every other week and the emptiness was absolutely soul crushing. I needed to give back to heal myself. It worked.
third: regarding wanting to reach out. my best advice is when you want to do that, look down at your feet, then slowly bring your gaze up, look around the space you are in. Is he there? No. Then let it go. I had to do that, and something about the action of allowing my gaze to look around the room gave me enough time for the impulse to recede long enough to be strong enough to not act on it.
I hope these points help. I think you're doing far better than you realize. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
