My husband is in that same boat. I'm secure in who I am and in our relationship and he's a grown man so I know he's going to look. He's married, not dead. And, I mean look like when we are out in public, not scour dating sites. But, while he might look at a young lady, he's outright said to me "what the h3ll would I do with a kid?" No common grounds whatsoever. I feel the same about young men. They might be "pretty" to look at, but hard pass. I don't have time to raise another kid. LOL
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
EXACTLY!!!!!! I’d be embarrassed to date someone younger than my stepdaughter. Forever I’ve often fit with younger - but not THAT much younger. My largest recent gap was 13 years. I had a 19 GF when I was 26. So again it’s not something that started in my later years. But someone half my age? What would we possibly have in common? I’d feel like her father. I recently had a married female friend my same age point out a very attractive fun outgoing 20 something who had interacted with me a few times 2 weeks ago. “She’s flirting with you” friend says. I’m like ?????? No she is not, I’m on stage which makes me safe to approach and she wanted to hear some ABBA - which is interesting in itself since she was not born when they were popular. And there you go folks another ear worm for you dancing queens. I was embarrassed she’d even suggest something like that. As if I’d want to be a dirty older man that people scoff at. So no - just no.
As for the study. I just don’t buy it. All studies are not created equal and often have huge holes in them. Are some guys doing this? Yes. How many are sugar daddy/sugar baby arrangements. A very rich friend of a friend took one if these twenty somethings to front row seats to see the band Chicago a few years ago. Her comment… “Who are these guys?
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
Well my ex didn't seem to be bothered when he started dating his new wife at 49 when she was 30.
If you want to see the data, google this OK Cupid blog from June 2017: Undressed: What’s the Deal With the Age Gap in Relationships?
Somehow even though only 12% of conversations were between men and a woman more than 5 years older, most of them men I dated from OkC were 4-9 years younger than me. Maybe the difference is I wasn't afraid to reach out to the men I found interesting?
(And please note, I wasn't only looking at younger men - my age range was from 10 years younger to 10 years older. I actually eliminated more of the younger men if they had small children).
Last edited by job; 02/11/2208:47 PM. Reason: edited a word for kml
Actually, on reflection, the one who was 9 years younger was Mr. Big Lots, who I didn't meet online but who picked me up when I was shopping. So I guess my online dates ranged from 2 years older (my first boyfriend) to the rest being between 4-6 years younger. I'm leaving out the couple of inappropriately younger guys who initiated contact and who I briefly dated - they were definitely below my 10 year age difference limit.
I will say almost all the men list their desired age range as either their age and younger, or no more than 2 years older and younger. So some of you guys might have better response rates if you at least look at women up to 5 years older.
I’ve actually been surprised at how many younger guys have reached out to me on OLD. I’m trying to stay within six or seven years of my age although most of the guys I’ve dated have been four to six years younger. TDH was seven years younger and looking at us together, you would have probably assumed he was the older one.
Totally agree with the “too many choices” theory. I think that is a big issue. Except the reality is that it is more of an illusion of choice since most people will not get a response from a great number of people they message unless they are in that top 10%. Before OLD, you would meet someone IRL and if there was a mutual attraction, you’d start dating. So simple!!!! Nowadays, you are acutely aware that the “right” person might still be out there and you just haven’t seen their profile yet or worse, you did see it, but it was so bad you swiped left and missed out. Talk about a perfect set up for over thinking…as you can clearly see in my thread…lol.
Happy Valentine's Day to all the valiant lovers here!
It's not a day I ever felt melancholy about after my divorce, because I realized in retrospect how hit and miss my ex was with celebrating it, and how that should have been my first clue that all was not as it seemed with him. I can buy my own dang candy anyway!
I even forgot completely about my ex's birthday this month. Like that song he's now just "someone that I used to know".
Celebrate all the other loving relationships you have in your life, with friends and family.
Yes!! I’m inviting a friend and their daughter today to celebrate with me and my kids. I see it as a day to share treats and be thankful for all the love in our lives, not just the romantic kind.
My poor niece just had her boyfriend break up with her on the weekend, just a couple days before Valentine's day.
She's the ECMO nurse and is taking it extra hard because of the chronic stress of her job in the last two years. We had all been excited that she seemed to finally be dating a guy worthy of her, and who seemed really into her. They'd been dating for about 9 months. But apparently his M.O. is when he gets overwhelmed and depressed, he responds by jettisoning extra baggage, and he considered her such.
It is another case of, when someone warns you not to date somebody, take them at their word! His brother is a coworker of my niece's, and he had cautioned her against dating him, without being very specific as to why. We (my sister and I) thought maybe he had a crush on my niece himself (the brother is married though). Now it seems apparent he probably knew his brother wasn't a good risk for dating.
One of my niece's problems is, she likes to present herself as easygoing and a "commitment phobe". But the truth is, she's neither of those. She really wants to be in a long term relationship. She's had a history of pursuing unavailable or Love Avoidant guys in the past. Her previous boyfriend cheated on her.
It's so hard to watch because, she is THE BOMB. Gorgeous blonde, fit (she climbed Rainier last year), super smart (a geek's dreamgirl), hilariously funny, makes great bank, caring. Yet she picks the wrong guy every time. (I blame her semi-absentee sociopath father, whom she calls "the sperm donor").
Hoping she segues from the crying on the couch phase into the mad as hell phase soon.
Awww...sounds like she has dodged a very big bullet. Once time does its thing and the feelings fade, she'll be back on her feet...hopefully Covid fades at the same time. I think her work stress likely plays into her distress as well. It does sound like she might be dealing with some "daddy issues" if she refers to him as the sperm donor. Dad's relationship with their daughters often set the pattern for their romantic relationships. Might be worth a few appointments with a good IC for her to explore. (((HUGS)))
