Hi LH19, I really need to figure out how to do those quotes..
His issues with me... Well on BD1 he said that I was boring, that I stopped wanting to do things with him, that our sex life was not good, no passion or intamacy with me anymore, no exciement in or R, no affection.
I have looked at myself for all of this. Our life had become routine and boring since the start of covid.. no vacation planning, being stuck at home etc. I had been getting up at 4 am for 20 years to go to work. So I would go to bed 2 hours before H, this put a damper on our sex life, but we were still active weekly. H would tuck me in ever night...ever night.... Not exciting newness but still active. I felt like I only had the weekends to get the house cleaned and laundry done so I didn't got to his bowling tournaments as much as I did in the past. But the love and affection IMO, never diminshed, until his A/MLC. I know that I became comfortable, complaciant. I can see where I dropped the ball. Took our M and H for granted, I thought we would always be together, never imagined we would be in this place. Hind sight is 20/20. I let such unimportant stuff take away from spending quality time with H. Just got lazy.
Would that have made a difference, with this MLC he is going though?? Who knows.
No H has never been a cheater, or a liar. He has been cheated on in previous relationships. He was engaged to a horrible women before we started dating, that cheated on him. They would break up and get back together over and over again. When we started dating, she tried again, but H shut the door to her because of our R. Of course now he dosen't remember this part of his life, what it felt like to be cheated on.
Control, yes... My life was planned out, knew where it was heading. Now I feel lost, with no sense of direction. I do not like the unknown, I want a plan, I want to know where I am going. Now I have fear, fear of the unknown future.
