Husband MLC? need help

[LH19]

By no means was I the perfect W, but any issues we had would have been easily talked out.

What were his issues with you? Did he say? Was IYO any truth to them?

H has lost his mind, he has no logical thinking going on right now.

WWs are acting on pure emotion. When decisions are made on emotion there are sure to be consequences.

That makes me question myself, maybe I am wrong, maybe this is who has been his whole life and just hid it from me.

Does he have a history of cheating? Even when he was young. It's rare that they are first time offenders.

I see a few flashes, that he is still in there, but I need to squash my expectations. Not sure how to do that yet, as right now I just want him to come back.

It's a mindset.

But...then I think about all the sh*t he has put me through over the last 8 months and I get so angry at him.

Are you familiar with the stages of grief? The good news is you are past denial and probably bargaining.

WTF am I thinking, why would I want him back, he was a/is hearltess a** .

Your brain has convinced itself that getting H back, or getting H to apologize and declare a desire to have you back is the very best and fastest way to restore your feeling of being in control. You are trying to analyze and understand everything so that you can build it into a rational model so that it will never, ever happen to you again. If I can avoid doing X, then Y will never happen. In addition, you want to unlock this puzzle, to deconstruct it so you can find the solution that will allow you to rebuild it. Finding that key would provide immense comfort. With the benefit of time and distance, you'll realize that's what it's really all about, it's about regaining the ability to feel in control of your life and your future. It really has very little to do with H or who he is as a person, he's a lever to get you what you want, but that's really just an illusion.

If you take the focus off of H *completely* he will notice. That will give him space to breathe, and to think. That's the only way these things turn around -- the ONLY way.

I have always loved and supported him, I have done nothing to him to deserve such horrible treatment...How do you get over that??

It will take a really long time. Eventually you will burn through the resentment and forgive him if you choose.

Am I a idiot for holding onto that, my vows, my promises to my H and M?

Not at all. But ask yourself is that really what it is all about or is it the fear of the unknown.

I can't stop it now. H would need to stop it, he would have to want to stop it, it has to come from him.

The only way it could work is if he WANTS to stop it.

Why do they always A down??

Why don't they see what a horrible person that the OW is, that they are being?

Brain chemicals and emotions.

Why is H still going to IC?

ICs can typically become the validators to the people who are contributing to their paychecks.

What happened to the WS long term bond with us? How do they just flip the switch?

It was a flip switch to you but he may have been planning his getaway for years.

I think that if H ever does wake up and realize the damage he has done, that it will crush him.

Probably. Your brother is evidence of that phenomenon.

Right now I think him and OW are just justifing there actions by telling each other that they are doing the right thing, cuz its for love. Its not love, its disgusting. Makes me sick to my stomach. They are acting like teenages .... a**holes.
Yep and the more you try to push them apart the more it's going to bring them together.
[quote=Stella20] I know that the odds of H coming back are slim.

Not as slim as you think. The question becomes will you have moved on.

But I hold onto that f- ing hope...I wish I could just let go, I am trying but my heart does not want to yet.

You can if you want you just choose not to right now and that is perfectly normal.