Pain from surgery better today, was actually able to shower yesterday. Spent most of the day sleeping.
KML- My XSIL moved on to a new man within that 2ish months. (I do not have that in me) Brother moved accross state to be with OW, I know this caused him to be very homesick as he had never left our home town. B & XSIL are very emotionally immature. When it first happen she took my Brother over to parents house and told them. My brother recalls listening to my Dad lecture him on what a huge mistake he was making. My XSIL cried and begged him to think about what he was doing. He says now, 5 years out, that he felt no emotion for his crying wife. That he felt that he had to pursue the relationship with the OW, as it had brought up feelings from his youth when parents forbid him to date a girl who was underage when he was 19 or 20. He is remorsful now, he still calls my XSIL and begs her to take him back, as recently as 3 weeks ago. He is not living some fantasy life with OW, our family still refuses to meet her. He says now that he will never have what he had with his XW, he lost his best friend. Said he kept trying to tell his xW, that he needed to see where the R with OW went. I lectured him when he was going through it too. He would not listen to anyone, he was on his own journy.
LH19 Beleive me, I told him many times how he was screwing up his life,his sons, and XW.. He knows now..He stays with OW now, because he can not go back to his old life, and he isn't getting any younger. Says he has no love for OW, dosen't even like her. All of his justifactions that he had, he nows see how stupid and out of his mind he was. He wanted to have fun, and it was fun for awhile, but now they have settled into it and it was not worth it. Says that he tried to get OW to be like his XW, but she is not his W and will never be. I have told him he should be honest with XW.
Sage- Thank you I know that what H is doing has nothing to do with me or our M. By no means was I the perfect W, but any issues we had would have been easily talked out. H has lost his mind, he has no logical thinking going on right now. Although he tells me he is fine and still himself. That makes me question myself, maybe I am wrong, maybe this is who has been his whole life and just hid it from me. I see a few flashes, that he is still in there, but I need to squash my expectations. Not sure how to do that yet, as right now I just want him to come back. But...then I think about all the sh*t he has put me through over the last 8 months and I get so angry at him. WTF am I thinking, why would I want him back, he was a/is hearltess a** . Such a rollercoaster of emotions. It just baffles me that he can treat me like this. I have always loved and supported him, I have done nothing to him to deserve such horrible treatment...How do you get over that??
What I know- A started in Nov. 2020 as a EA, turned PA in May of 2021, BD1 June 2021, fake trying on H's part till Dec, 2nd 2021 when he moved out. OW is also married and H is her 3rd A, (they have not filed for D yet, her H is still holding out for R)but they are in love and its so special, she is such a nice person. (vomit) Nice people do not go after married people, no matter what.
I filed for D in early Jan., final court date is June 6th. I am feeling like I jumped the gun and filed too fast. I don't know, just feel like this is all moving too fast for me. I don't want a D, I want my M, a new M with my H. I believe that M is for life, better or worse, through good times and bad. Am I a idiot for holding onto that, my vows, my promises to my H and M? I can't stop it now. H would need to stop it, he would have to want to stop it, it has to come from him.
A few random thoughts questions Why do they always A down?? Why don't they see what a horrible person that the OW is, that they are being?
Why is H still going to IC?
I have read about how the LBS has to get over our long term addiction and bonding with our spouses. What happened to the WS long term bond with us? How do they just flip the switch?
H was always a very smart man, but he is a complete idiot right now. I think that if H ever does wake up and realize the damage he has done, that it will crush him. Right now I think him and OW are just justifing there actions by telling each other that they are doing the right thing, cuz its for love. Its not love, its disgusting. Makes me sick to my stomach. They are acting like teenages .... a**holes.
Thanks for listening to me, this thread has become a life line for me. I have been trying to read everyones threads for insight as well. I know that the odds of H coming back are slim. But I hold onto that f- ing hope...I wish I could just let go, I am trying but my heart does not want to yet.
