My Story P4...Acceptance of the MLC Madness

[LH19]

He is leaving for his week skiing this evening, and came in my room last night to cuddle, to sleep by my side, to tell me he will leave again afterwards to be with OW2 but he is not sure she still wants him.

This was straight out of your thread.

Thank you for your opinion on letting go. I fully understand your first sentence.
I don't have to show it, I simply have to do it.

Easy to understand harder to do.

I however have my doubts about the second sentence.
That I can't show him friendship, kindness and compassion whilst letting go.
He might manipulate his form of friendship towards me but I don't have control of that and I won't copy his behavior.

But if I am hearing you correctly this is all based on him not being with OW. That is based on manipulation and control. That is like one kid saying to another "I won't be friends with you if you are friends with her". If you want to be friends and show kindness and compassion there shouldn't be any conditions.

He has not made it clear either if he is going to OW.

Again I am only going by what you said earlier in your thread.

If he is honest about the fact that he goes to OW however,
I will then state indeed that I can't be his friend whilst in another R, that this doesn't work for me.

So it sounds like you are setting a boundary? What are the consequences to a broken boundary?

And this is the truth, I can't handle this yet. Is it OK to tell him that?

I would only do it if you intend to follow through.
From my point of view the most important items to let go are:

1/ not to stop caring, it simply means I can’t do it for someone else
2/ not to care for, but to care about
3/ not to fix, but to be supportive
4/ not to judge,but to allow another to be a human being
5/ not to be protective, but to permit another to face reality
6/ to fear less and love more

Beautiful words but unfortunately not always easy to apply this in real life...although I believe that is what I've been trying to do the past year already as much as possible.

So the question becomes has this gotten you closer to your goal or further away from your goal?

I may be wrong so any input is welcome because I really struggle with this.
To the people who know my story a bit, how would you handle the letting go part, or how did you handle this in the past? Thank you

Eagle I know it is hard to accept but the fact is you are divorced now and you need to move forward with your life. It's up to you if you want to remain friends. IMO you need time to heal first. The ride is just beginning. He won't be done with you for a long time, nor will you be done with him. Since you have a kids together you will be intermeshed forever. Give it some time.