Hi, I would like to hear peoples experiences using Michele's 2 day private intensives.
Spouse has filed for divorce, and I want to stayed married. I am highly confident we can have a great marriage given the right set of tools/guidance. I am pretty sure we do not have that set of tools.
Married almost 2 decades. No kids.
We are living in the same house and getting along well. Other than the big D part.
Have you gone through Michele's 2 day intensive? Can you tell me about that? What happened?Breakthrough moments? What were the results for you. Are you still married?
Everything I have read about it sounds great, but I sort of feel like I need something else, some added information, a statistic on results like how many people use her 2 day intensive and stay married 1 year later, or something, to pull the trigger and sign up. I think mostly some people to talk to who have done an intensive.
Have people tried other things first? And what? And what helped you stay married happily? Was a disaster or did not help.
We tried counseling that actually made things worse, so wanted to get a clear sense we are going in the right direction.
How do I find prior recent posts on this? I am new to this site and have no idea how to use it. Guidance would be great. Thx.
I have not heard many forum posters mentioning trying her intensive. In this thread, BobbiJo signed up for one, but unfortunately, her husband bailed. Some promise an easy D if it doesn't work in exchange for their soon-to-be-ex attending what they see as a "last resort" intervention.
I have heard several forum posters mentioning Retrouvaille. My recollection is that Curtis went and it did not help, AnotherStander learned valuable tools but it didn't save his marriage.
Heartbroken credited it with saving her marriage. Sara says 50%+ success rate. hope and eldiemarie also said it helped, but to go into it with the mindset of IT HELPING FIX YOU instead of the mindset of IT HELPING FIX YOUR SPOUSE. These posters have long since moved on.
Anyway, some leads for you. I have no personal experience.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL).
DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Your H or W is giving you a GIFT. THE GIFT OF TIME. USE it wisely.
Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon
Last edited by Cadet; Mon Jun 15 2020 07:23 AM. Me-67, D35,S34
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sorry you're here. There are lots of good people willing to lend support and advice.
Originally Posted by Bema
Spouse has filed for divorce, and I want to stayed married. I am highly confident we can have a great marriage given the right set of tools/guidance. I am pretty sure we do not have that set of tools.
You may be highly confident - I was as well - but it's important to keep in mind it's completely out of your control and solely dependent on your W. It's unlikely she filed for D unless she is serious about that as an outcome, so her mindset might be 180 degrees different than yours. You are not going to be able to "fix it" yourself. Having a great marriage going forward is only possible if BOTH of you are interested in that possible outcome and it sounds like at least right now she is not.
Originally Posted by Bema
Married almost 2 decades. No kids.
We are living in the same house and getting along well. Other than the big D part.
You don't give any back story on issues in the marriage. It sounds like an amicable living situation. Was your W filing for a divorce a surprise, or a long time in the making? Do you suspect an affair?
Originally Posted by Bema
Have you gone through Michele's 2 day intensive? Can you tell me about that? What happened?Breakthrough moments? What were the results for you. Are you still married?
I don't have any experience with a MWD 2-day intensive or Retrouvaille.
Originally Posted by Bema
We tried counseling that actually made things worse, so wanted to get a clear sense we are going in the right direction.
That was my experience as well. Actually, not sure it made things worse but counseling definitely didn't help in my case; the decision/result was pre-determined.
Hang in there. Let us know how we can help.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Spouse has filed for divorce, and I want to stayed married. I am highly confident we can have a great marriage given the right set of tools/guidance. I am pretty sure we do not have that set of tools.
Married almost 2 decades. No kids.
We are living in the same house and getting along well. Other than the big D part.
This almost sounds like my first post.
Married 28 years, I wanted to stay married and she didn't.
We both lived in the same house - no affair on either side.
Yes you both need the set of tools and this can be a great place to get them.
I agree with the other posters that both of you need to agree to work on this or it will not succeed.
Thanks Cadet. My understanding of what Michele says that it takes one to tango. Did I miss the boat somewhere? Open to feed back. Also, really wanting to hear about experiences of people who did a 2 day intensive. Any ideas on how to find that? Thx.
