She's OUT! #7

[Mumin]

Hi all, and thanks for checking in BL and OB!
It really has been a long time since I posted. Had to re-read my latest posts to remember. Which I consider a good thing, btw.

Laughed hard when re-reading this from unchien:

“I agree with the others that your boundaries will be tested. If you've ever seen "Jurassic Park", I like to think of my X as one of those velociraptors constantly throwing themselves into the electrified fence, just to test that it is still juiced. Boundaries require consistency over time. Kids do the same thing.”

In short I have been living a really good life, sure covid [censored] but I have managed real well in 2021. Excelling at work, excelling in the gym (235 workouts last year), dated/talked to a few women (one exclusive for a few months), building some stuff at home and really spending quality time with the kids every other week.
So yeah, I dated a girl and it was actually great. Though I ended it because I didn’t really feel that strong of a connection and she was sort of in a hurry. Hurry to define our R, hurry to talk about kids etc Which I am definitely not. She was also recently divorced but had no kids so the compatibility wasn’t great I guess. She did say I was the best she ever had and wished me well, so we ended on good terms.

I feel I still have a lot to consider for myself and think about. Do I ever actually want more kids? Do I even want to get married again? Where do I want to be in 10 years?
Not that I need to completely decide and be final about it, but I need to have my priorities set and
a "game plan". I realized this during dating.


Status with XW is in general good.
On average I would say we communicate 1-3 times per week. That is more than I thought it would be but its only about the kids, coordinating quarantines, change of days, school etc
It doesn’t bother me anymore, so the frequency isn’t really a problem. I have learned what I can’t control and when it is time to voice my opinion.
I believe she isn’t feeling great and perhaps the grass wasn’t perfectly green on the other side. However, given her way of corresponding she seems to have moved on from me and is (probably) relatively happy with how things turned out. Though that’s just my guess.
I am +99% certain I saw XW on tinder, though (to my knowledge) OM is still very much in the picture. She used the word “slut” to describe herself…

She has however come around more and more to caring for the kids and doing her “duty” as a parent which is great. Initially my mental reflex was “OH, so now you care??!!!” but today it just makes me happy to see she cares. XW’s parents couldn’t even look at each other after their divorce, and still can’t. Initially I wasn’t sure if we might end up like that but now I am glad we are heading in a much better direction.

Where am I with XW and the divorce?
I set a few goals for the year and one is to COMPLETLEY let her go. I mostly have but as with any long-term love I can’t just forget about her. It's always been that way for me with GFs. I know, most of you might say “STILL??!”. But yeah, some unconscious part of me misses her and what we had from time to time.
The most notable situation for me was when I picked up the kids to celebrate Christmas with my family and they started telling me about how they celebrated Christmas day with OM and his family. I wasn’t aware they were going to do that and that really hit me hard. Not a great way to start a 5 hour drive.
Though to be clear, mostly I am doing real great and continue to move forward.

My change/growth isnt as strong a year ago. Life catches up to you I guess, and I don’t have that “burning platform” anymore.
Sort of babbling on here, but yeah you wanted an update.
I am however currently listening to “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” which is amusing and a good reminder of some of the concepts I already learned here.

Hope veryone that supported me are doing great and again, THANK YOU!