I also held all those last moments. Last hug, last time XW was in the house, last talk, time since her departure, etc. So many counters/timers. I have no such detailed accounting anymore. I now have to calculate how long it’s been since <whatever last time>. It’s funny how we let go. Well, I suppose how we hang on actually. Man that stuff had so much meaning before.
Originally Posted by Sage4
With every book taken from the shelf and added to a box, you are reminded of a past that is no longer. I feel this way every time I deep clean another room and find objects belonging to H that I pack away for him to take. All this history, all this love, consolidated into a meaningless box.
Originally Posted by Sage4
My lack of emotion has been both welcome (I've come so far!!) and concerning (is something wrong with me that I am not crying right now?) but at the end of the day points towards the resiliency of the human spirit: you will survive.
A past that is no longer. It does feel like that. For a while. Have faith, indifference does unwind.
It’s not a past that is no longer, it is a particular visioned future that is no longer. Your past exists.
As indifference rolls back, emotions return, and with us being better healed, it ushers in a bright future. Your past returns. Have no doubt about that. You lived it, you loved it, you will remember and recall it - rather fondly, as you’ve invested into yourself over this time.
And how we traversed this unwanted path comes back as well. Seeking and displaying grace, dignity, kindness, compassion, while one’s world is crashing around them, brings very few regrets. How one walks the journey matters. After all, it’s always been the journey not the destination.
The past is.
The future is new, unknown, and as yet written. Write big and bold. Make it a great!
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
