I read about your recent challenges with an obstinate, pot-smoking H and his friend and felt like I was reading a passage from The Book of Joy (by Tutu and The Dalai Lama). Your patience, compassion and understanding of yourself and those around you is truly inspiring. And your human-ness in all of it is what is the most relatable.
Originally Posted by cardinal
Somehow did not expect all the emotions as H begins actually moving out, things going out the door, dividing books, etc.
You wouldn't be human if you didn't feel some emotion right now. It's one thing to predict this day, anticipate it, perchance look forward to it, but it is still going to bring up the past. With every book taken from the shelf and added to a box, you are reminded of a past that is no longer. I feel this way every time I deep clean another room and find objects belonging to H that I pack away for him to take. All this history, all this love, consolidated into a meaningless box.
Originally Posted by cardinal
I caught myself imagining what it would be like the last time I see him here. What will that moment look like? I suppose it’ll come when it comes.
If you are anything like me, the anticipation holds more gravitas than reality. I thought the exact same thing, but now I can't even remember the day he actually moved out, or the last time I saw him in a particular room. None of it holds any weight, but at the time I thought it would crush me with its significance.
Over the past year, I have unceremoniously taken down wedding photos, pictures of H with my late Dad, pictures of us as a family and it was just that: taking down old photos and making room for the new ones. My lack of emotion has been both welcome (I've come so far!!) and concerning (is something wrong with me that I am not crying right now?) but at the end of the day points towards the resiliency of the human spirit: you will survive.
