Somehow did not expect all the emotions as H begins actually moving out, things going out the door, dividing books, etc. He’s calm again, not in a huff like the last time I saw him. Of course, he’s starting a couple days earlier than he told me. I thought since I’d waited for this day for so long, and I’d already grieved…but I guess there’s still a bit more to grieve along the way. More processing to do at each milestone. I reminded myself the loss already happened the day of BD; I lost H then and it’s not happening again. I didn’t choose this but I’ve made peace with it, etc. What was Gerda’s analogy about a broken arm? I caught myself imagining what it would be like the last time I see him here. What will that moment look like? I suppose it’ll come when it comes. And there’s still a D to finish! I’m trying to remind myself to simply stay present with these emotions and not to overthink too much. It’s been a while since I felt sadness about all this, but that’s okay. There are other emotions on the other side.
