Yes, I thought about that after, that I should have said that we can only move forward. Hopefully I will get a chance to say that in the future.
Yes, I believe this is a MLC. I just get lost from time to time and doubt what I know to be true. I can not buy into his madness, crazy town rationalizations.
A few other strange actions from yesterday that I recall now... In the basement (his mancave) he noticed that I had unhooked the cable boxes on the 2 tvs in his bar. He asked why, and said what if you have people over and you want to watch tv at the bar. This was always his domain, and having friends over to watch the games in the basement bar was always his thing to do, not mine. He asked about the boxes on the floor, and I said that is to pack up some of the barware that I would think you want. He said that it did not need to be done as he was eventually just going to put stuff at his moms house. Just kind of seemed like he wasn't or hasn't realized that I do not want to stay in our home with all of our memories. Even though I have mentioned that to him over the last few months. Maybe he dosen't want to think of selling the house and thinks it and I will always just be here. Not sure, just reading into it too much.
I have to continue to keep my expectations at zero. As bad as I want my H back, I have to back off....yesterday made me realize how much I missed him, us, the easy conversations about history and friends shared. Seeing him getting some love from Archie the cat, just seeing glimpes of him. I have to think that being in the home after 9 weeks gone had to effect him at some level.
I am trying not to think about the OW, I see that she is just a symptom, and hope that someday he does too. Hearing him say he is in love with her is painful, I know that whatever he thinks he feels for her does not hold a candle to what we had. I try to remind myself of that. I also tell myself that the H I married and have known, would beat the crap out of the H is is now. He was always a guy that gave great advise to others, wish he would talk to that guy...
