Create the life...

[Elbereth]

Thanks all for the advice. I agree that I may need to step my boundary statements up a notch…as asking nicely and straightforwardly hasn’t been heard.

I tried to remember that those 'friends' that shared things were basically saying "look what you avoided" or "look how much better off you are" or sometimes I felt like they were finally seeing what I had for so long. The mask slipped, he wasn't the persona he pretended to be. Good family man, man of God, his image was everything to him.

I know this is a big part of why they continue to think it’s okay. She is pretty whack and he must be pretty damaged to want to be with someone like her. And it also reminds me that I am better off without him, but it still isn’t something I want to be a part of my everyday thoughts. Sometimes I feel like people just want the scoop and otherwise I don’t hear from them. It’s so frustrating. I’ll let you all know how it goes and if I am able to enforce the boundary better after this next round of stating it.

I saw him today for the first time in a couple of months. He stopped by to pick up some of his items that I had over where I am staying that he wasn’t able to take when we moved from the house. He was friendly enough and polite. In and out. Probably because she is floating around somewhere, like maybe he dropped her off up the street or something. He tried a little small talk, but nothing of importance. He did not come into the house. A part of me is glad the visit was so short and uneventful. But a part of me dies feeling like I can’t see in him any remorse or signs of regret for what he’s done to me. I know that doesn’t mean he isn’t feeling those things. He looked better than he did the last time I saw him. I do too…and made sure I was put together today. I may not want him back, but I certainly want him to see what he lost!

Do not hold yourself accountable for someone changing. You trusted your judgement based upon who they were at the time. You could not know they would have such a significant altering of themselves.

And you are wiser now. Signs and red flags will not be as easily ignored or explained away.

I am trying to embrace that. Right now, even though I am curious about dating and I am missing human touch and intimacy, I start to feel very anxious about the idea of trusting someone again. I hope it changes over time. I definitely think I need to deal with some of these feelings with some IC. One day at a time…

El