WAW Hired a Divorce Coach (Cont11.)

[BL42]

ScottB,

When I was married, it was almost like I could suck it up because I knew that part of my life was settled. Almost like I could let some other things go - the grocery shopping would get done, the laundry would get done, the kids would be taken care, if I didn't work out I would still be good enough that my wife wouldn't leave me (ha) - but now I feel the pressure for all of these things plus work - and time for myself - I don't want to just become a machine at the office and I'm not sure that I can anymore if I did want to. I want to be able to run at a slower pace. And I'm just feeling overwhelmed by all of it.

I completely understand this. Having that portion of your life settled and taken care of is a nice aspect to marriage; now you & I have to mind all the responsibilities a couple would normally divide up and share (divorce means two houses to clean, two lawns to mow, two wardrobes to buy)...plus potentially dating at some point. I think it's totally normal to be overwhelmed at times.

In terms of career...it's interesting I made a level earlier which many don't in their careers and had the pre-D mindset to stick there for a long time, maybe forever, so I'd have more time to spend with my family and kids but this hole process has gotten me thinking of accelerating my career even more to move up the chain. Between working remotely and the time I'm not allow to spend with my kids I know recognize I could move up and still be just as present as I am now, which I've flexed a good in the last year and a half to maximize the time I can spend with them considering the sitch. Anyway, interesting how BD/D can flip your mindset.

Also, start looking into ways to make your life easier, maybe a grocery service. Maybe even a house keeper that can do things like the laundry. You have the means to offload some of that stuff, so consider it.

Good suggestion by SteveLW. I hired a house cleaner for every other week, strategically scheduled for right after my time with the kids. I was against that previously, thinking it was a task a family should do, but have now 180'd there to simplify life and focus on my kids, GAL, and work. Nice to have the cleaning taken care without effort...I actually look forward to the ay the house looks and smells after they finish.

I don't use the grocery delivery as much because I use the shopping as a way to get out of the house and be around people and can usually do it a day or two before the kids come back to be stocked up for them, but understand why a pre-set weekly list and regular delivery would be convenient.

Also, not sure on your work situation, but having gone full-time remote due to COVID it enables me to go downstairs and take care of tasks like throwing in a load of laundry, running the dish washer, or even stepping away at lunch to mow the lawn during the Summer. It helps to keep on top of things during my work week which I couldn't do working from the office.