Sorry you find yourself here. Your story and the things you are going through, totally resonate with me. The LBS diet is a thing…lol. I, too, had been trying to lose 10 to 20 pounds for years. My life gets blown up and suddenly, I’m down 40. I agree with KML. I think it is an adrenaline thing. The kind of adrenaline that floods your system when your life is threatened. Few truly understand how traumatic and life altering something like this is until they go through it.
I remember all too well the angst when I knew he would be showing up and all of the time I spent worrying about how I would present… not wanting to show what a mess of emotions I was. He used to come by our home a couple mornings a week to pick up our daughter and take her to tutoring. I used to make sure I was dressed and looking my best just to say hello to him and goodbye to my daughter. Two minutes and he would be gone. It was emotionally exhausting. Eventually, for my own sanity, I made a point of not seeing him and I remember the day that he arrived and I was in my bathroom getting ready for the day and I completely forgot he was showing up. What an amazing day that was!!! To know that I was finally starting to come out the other side of it all.
It’s been three and a half years now since I found out about OW and his double life and my life is nothing like it was or what I thought it would be. That was the hardest part, I think, coming to terms that what I thought would be my future was no longer a possibility. Letting go of that dream and the person I thought he was took a lot of hard work and time. And today I am not living the life I thought I would have but it is still a great life. I have friends that I didn’t have before and have had experiences I never would have had if this had not happened. Life is a journey and I am grateful for mine. I hope you will one day be grateful for yours as well.
But until then… like everyone on here has advised… take the focus off of you H and put it fully on you. Think back to who you were before you were married. What did you love to do? What were the qualities you had that attracted your H in the first place? Have you allowed the things that make you uniquely you fall by the wayside in favour of being one half of a couple? At the end of the day, the only person we are guaranteed to be with from the start of our life to the end of it, is ourselves. Be your own best friend Stella. You will get through this and you will look back one day and be AMAZED. Big (((hugs)))
