Hi DnJ, I just started reading you story.... wow. Still figuring out how to navagiate around on here.
Thank you, your words are wise, and very much appreciated. And calming, I have come to appreciate anything that calms me. Lighting candles, having a spa day at home, long hot showers, ocean sounds that I play to sleep to, holding my fur babies while they purr, and this site. Finding this site and all of you, has been a God send to me, like a shining light in the darkness. And good chocolate,... Anything to calm me and take my mind somewhere else.
I have days I just feel so lost, today is one of those days. I know I have made some progress for being 9 weeks out, at first I cryed all day, and yes, I too watched the clock thinking how will I get through the next hour, the morning, the day. I would wake up at night screaming for H because I could have sworn I heard him coming in the house. I am trying to get into a routine each day, have a calendar hanging above my desk to keep myself organized. Baby steps, I keep telling myself that, but I am better now than I was a month ago, heck 2 weeks ago. And anger, I find myself getting angry when I start to think of all of the BS that he has put me through over the last 8 months. But right know mostly sad, for everything that is lost.
And yes, he is acting like he was back in his early 20's, when I first met him. He was arrogant and cocky, and immature, partyed all the time. I didn't like him much, he was 20 I was 24. He had horrible taste in women, the last one before me he had actually ask her to marry him. She cheated on him all the time, was totally disrespectful to him and treated him like crap. We all sat and wondered what the heck was he thinking. She even came back around after we started living together. She was a peach. I actually brought that up to him about her cheating on him, and him taking her back over and over. He doesn't remember it that way... shocker right..
Tomorrow will be hard, seeing H for the first time since he left, I know its going to set me back. I will try to control my emotions, listen to him and stay neutral, and fake happy. I think thats why I am having such a melt down today. He is already running, I don't want to make it worse, worse not sure how it can get worse...I would imagine it will be hard for him as well, seeing me and the babies, his home.
I plan on getting up early and getting my work out in. Then I am gonna glam it up and look my best when/if he does stop by for the taxes. Not that I have any plans, most likely church and take myself out for dinner, but he dosen't need to know that.
Wish me luck, I will update on how it goes tomorrow. S
