Ok I have so many questions, like, I understand vagueness for the sake of anonymity but I'm missing huge chunks of information here. So help me out here.
What I've gathered thus far is you have a wife who hasn't lived in the home with you for a year and half. With whom you've only spoken to 3 times in the last 12 months. Your W is 7 years younger than you and went from her parents' house to yours. You never connected physically in any real sense. No sex before marriage and barely any after.
Now comes the questions for clarity. So you were only married like a year before she left? Is that right? How long was she having an EA for before she moved out? Was there only one EA that you're aware of? When was MC in proximity to the leaving/having left? Has anyone filed for divorce yet or informed the other about lawyers? How separate are your lives right now particularly regarding your finances? Last and I only ask this because I haven't seen any one ask this yet. Why is it that you want to save this marriage exactly? You have no kids and from what I can tell because the MR was so short no real shared property. So it's got to be about her? Or you? Or the relationship? But from everything you've written here you hated your sex life, you aren't a huge fan of her personality right now, you feel as if she drove your relationship off a cliff while you stood by helplessly and that you've been deeply betrayed. So what's here that you want to save? I'm not asking that to be a jerk by the way. I'm truly asking you from a place of honesty and vulnerability what are you standing for?
Dated for 2.5 years, married for 3 years before she separated, been separated for 1.5 years since. MC was for 4 months after she separated.
I dont know when the actual EA started exactly. The AP was a high school friend of hers who came back into her life about a year into our marriage. She had mostly guy friends before marriage so I didn't think anything of it, and I also trusted her. Red flag I know, and I now know I was naive. I actually felt secure in our relationship until she started to break my trust and I caught her in several lies. She turned really secretive near the end before she separated (which I picked up on). I definitely became insecure. No other APs as far as Im aware.
Financially, we share nothing. No papers filed and no lawyers are involved at the moment (at least to my knowledge).
Whats here that I want to save? Well I certainly dont want to save what obviously wasn't a very good marriage. But I married her because she was my best friend and I truly believe that if both of us were really committed to strengthening that friendship, that our marriage would thrive and the intimacy would follow. My hope was to work together on that and I saw a lot of potential, but my vision for the marriage never materialized. I guess I'm still clinging to what could be/could have been.
Plus, because of my religious convictions, I believe that God always wants us to reconcile if possible. I've been holding out hope that reconciliation is possible, but that hope has diminished almost entirely at this point.
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you feel as if she drove your relationship off a cliff while you stood by helplessly and that you've been deeply betrayed.
I think thats a great description of how I feel/what happened actually. I'm actually laughing at how accurate this feels to me.
